Battle Brothers LP - Slayin' With the Boys

[Boontaker]

Done. Surname?

Motivator

[Kalarion]

@Cogemeister:


Remember to let me know your perk. If you want me to handle your leveling I can, just give me a general idea of how you'd like to be built (role, kit). If you're not sure your original request (a guy who uses spears) works fine as a starting point.

[1998]

Ehm so let's say Resolve, Initiative, and Range Attack.

Perks, I don't know. Which ones do I have so far

[Kalarion]

Men, we've hit the point that I feel comfortable working on our retinue!

What is the Retinue? It's a group of camp followers. You unlock slots for new followers at certain Renown levels. The retinue can also help us carry more loot (we can buy donkeys and carts for extra party inventory space).

OK. How many slots do we have? Currently, 2. We can unlock a total of 5 slots. But bear in mind, hiring retinue members is expensive. So even though we have 2 slots I'm only adding one member for now. I'll hire on new retinue members as slots come open and as we get close to 10,000 crowns.

How does it work? I pay a shitload of money to hire on the retinue member. The Turtles will vote on their preferred retinue member, majority wins. Dead Turtles may also vote - this is America after all. Normally I would restrict participants who haven't yet had a character, but since only @Gregz is in that category, he may vote as well. I get a vote but it is not decisive, and I will not tie-break or try to play kingmaker on it. In the event of a tie, I'll flip a coin (RNG) and take the result.

What's available? New retinue members become available after we accomplish certain goals. They're somewhat like an achievement system, but we actually get rewarded (for a large fee, of course ). Currently we have the following available:

Name	Benefit	Notes
The Cartographer	Pays 100 - 400 crowns for every location discovered on our own. Locations farther from cities pay more. Legendary locations pay double.	I've never had a use for this guy but someone else may chime in here.
The Lookout	Increases sight radius by 25%, and reveals specifics about who made footprints.	Very useful at all times.
The Scout	+15% overland travel speed, and prevents terrain-based bad events.	Mandatory in all my playthroughs.
The Negotiator	Prevents loss of faction from failed negotiations, and allows extended demands.	Never used this guy but I could see him making us very rich, especially during a Crisis.
The Quartermaster	Increases maximum ammo storage by 100, and maximum medical herbs and tools by 50.	Never had a use for this guy, maybe when setting up an exploration expedition.
The Recruiter	10% discount on the cost of new hires, and 50% discount on tryouts. Makes +2 - 4 additional hires available in every town.	Extremely useful in the mid- and late-game to increase high-class backgrounds.
The Scavenger	Recoups ammo from the battlefield, and gives a small amount of tools from destroyed armor.	Never bothered.
The Surgeon	Guarantees that a bro without a permanent injury will survive being dropped to 0 HP, if possible (things like a crushed head or decapitation can't be survived, obviously). Reduces injury recovery for all injuries by 1 day, to a minimum of 1 day.	Extremely useful, I get one in every run.

--
The OP will be updated with the list of current retinue available, and with any new members unlocked.

[Boontaker]

My vote is for a Camp Surgeon. Some of these morons can't help but run face first into an enemy weapon, brave way to live a short life.

[Kalarion]

Ehm so let's say Resolve, Initiative, and Range Attack.

Perks, I don't know. Which ones do I have so far

Currently you have Student and Pathfinder. If you'd like a recommendation, I'd say Quick Hands (allows an attack the same turn you switch out weapons), Bullseye (makes it easier to hit your intended target), Gifted (moar stats) or Brawny (more fatigue). But the choice is yours.

[Kalarion]

Wait, Irenaeus hasn't gotten a bro yet either! @Irenaeus may vote as well.

My vote is for the Scout.

[1998]

Ehm so let's say Resolve, Initiative, and Range Attack.

Perks, I don't know. Which ones do I have so far

Currently you have Student and Pathfinder. If you'd like a recommendation, I'd say Quick Hands (allows an attack the same turn you switch out weapons), Bullseye (makes it easier to hit your intended target), Gifted (moar stats) or Brawny (more fatigue). But the choice is yours.

Ahhh Quick Hands please

[Oyster Sauce]

I vote for the Scout unless the Surgeon gives me two uses of my second chance perk

[rusty_shackleford]

I vote for the scavenger

[Nemesis]

@Nemesis:

Health -> Fatigue -> Melee damage

Nemesis and Hauberk, keep in mind you're both level 5 now, which means you may (if you wish) pick a weapon specialization perk and a surname.

I'll specialize in swords (Longboard, to be specific) and I'll pass on the surname.

[Irenaeus]

Wait, Irenaeus hasn't gotten a bro yet either! @Irenaeus may vote as well.

My vote is for the Scout.

Cool! I've been following the LP closely. The cartographer seems pretty cool, I love mapmaking and in game you earn money by just discovering stuff? Looks like he would pay for himself quickly. But the Scout and the Surgeon look like no-brainers. Their benefits seem immense to pass up, even if there are plenty of interesting picks.

[rusty_shackleford]

I don't see any rule against voting twice. I vote for the scavenger again

[Kalarion]

I vote for the Scout unless the Surgeon gives me two uses of my second chance perk

The two don't interact in that way. The Surgeon would take place after you've already been killed in battle. Nine Lives takes place right before you would be brought to 0 HP. So yes, they'd both work. First you'd be saved by Nine Lives, then if you still got killed you're guaranteed to live with a permanent injury. Nine Lives would continue working in subsequent battles but the Surgeon would no longer save you (you could still live with another permanent injury, it just wouldn't be guaranteed anymore).

[1998]

I vote for Surgeon

[Kalarion]

I don't see any rule against voting twice. I vote for the scavenger again

This being America, illegal aliens and multiple votes are of course technically allowed. However you're LITERALLY HITLER so your votes are discarded.

[Oyster Sauce]

I vote for the Scout unless the Surgeon gives me two uses of my second chance perk

The two don't interact in that way. The Surgeon would take place after you've already been killed in battle. Nine Lives takes place right before you would be brought to 0 HP. So yes, they'd both work. First you'd be saved by Nine Lives, then if you still got killed you're guaranteed to live with a permanent injury. Nine Lives would continue working in subsequent battles but the Surgeon would no longer save you (you could still live with another permanent injury, it just wouldn't be guaranteed anymore).

All possible measures must be taken to keep me (the protagonist) alive

[Hauberk]

Someone said that this was the best thread on the HQ earlier and I'm inclined to agree. While doing that, I'm voting for getting us a proper surgeon. Duct tape isn't invented yet, so he might come in handy.

Skills: Let's go with HP, Initiative and Ranged. I would also like to specialize in Crossbows (and Handgonnes). As I got the Torn Ear wound earlier I'm picking "Half-Ear" as a surname.

[Kalarion]

I've made a mistake. I was under the impression the first Crisis could spawn as early as 30 days in. After doing more research, I was wrong. It actually spawns 80 - 100 days in. Subsequent crises can spawn as early as 30 days afterwards, although most apparently spawn every 50 days or so.

In light of that my title of this group of updates, "The Road to Crisis", is not appropriate. I'm going to figure out a new label and edit it in. I'll start a new group of updates with this title once we're closer to day 80 (somewhere around day 65-70 if I had to guess).

[asf]

scout

[Acrux]

The land must be lead by Democrats, because I'm a dead man voting: Scout

[Kalarion]

FULL METAL JACKETS, in which the Turtles outfit themselves for Crisis.

► Play Session

Kalarion orders the Turtles back north, with the aim of focusing as exclusively as possible on building up faction with Salzfels, Riedland, Reinbruch and Waidhof. We need crowns. Lots of them.

We stop in Rothstadt and see a full passel of contracts:


More importantly, it's a big city with Ambushed Trade Routes! Time to offload all our weapons, trade goods and other miscellaneous junk! We make a ******* mint, coming out with over 7,500 crowns.

Next up, Kalarion checks in on the contracts. The 1-star is a camp clearance. It pays 520 crowns after negotiations. Par for the course.

: Any other problems?

The 2-star is a package delivery to Riedland! The pay is **** (360 crowns), but who cares?! We'll be getting faction and pay for travelling to a town we were already going to. We don't even have to return to get paid, Riedland pays us out!



The 3-star is a hunting contract for 1350 crowns. All in all, an excellent set. If we play our cards right we can make a couple thousand more crowns on jerbs and get paid to go where we wanted to go anyways. But 3 stars... those are still dangerous for us, with only one heavy armor set and no one with Battleforged/Nimble (you'll see the effects of those later).

: I did say we'd need to take more risks...

We take. The thieves turn out to be just outside town:


Only 9?! I bet I know what this means.


Yep. The party waits for nightfall to engage. When we're this heavily outnumbered on the ranged front (remember, "Some" equates to 3-5) we need every advantage we can get.

The archers start plinking at us from round 1. The first shot hits Fodder from across the map. It only does some armor damage but it's still infuriating that shots are landing from so far away in pitch darkness. Luckily all following shots miss, which is very good especially because one of them is from a crossbow:


Note that all of them targeted Fodder due to having a clear line of sight to him. Later this will be fixed. Another lumberjacker is in this group.
:

The 2-hand squad starts moving from the south, aiming to flank the entire formation as the Raiders focus on the shieldbro battle line in front of them. Round 2 consists of a ton of missed shots from the Marksmen, who are all inexplicably firing at Nemesis:


I have this idea, that archers actually favor targeting shield bros. The other possibility is that something in the game code weights shots to target shieldbros first if they're in front of targeted bros (beyond the normal chance of shot spread when firing into a group, I mean). Either way, bros with big shields and high Ranged Def out front are great as arrow magnets.

: Hauberk, Ventilator, hold your fire. Let them get up close and personal. Then shoot them in the face.

The bros do just that, holding their actions until the Raiders have moved. Meanwhile, Kalarion decides to discard his own advice.
: Let's see what I can do about those marksmen...


Trusting to his armor to keep him safe while he slaughters the back line, Kalarion rushes forward. The Raider guarding the two archers instantly Rotates, putting himself in front of Kalarion.
: Oh. Hello there

Boontaker moves forward, pokes ineffectually at the sword-and-board Raider up front, then instantly pops Adrenaline Rush in order to get another shot off next round before backing off. Maidenhaver makes use of one of the nets we just bought in Aalbek, tangling up the longsword Raider. Eyestabber, now guaranteed to be safe from a longsword attack next round, strolls into range to set himself up for an attack next round. Hauberk moves forward and fires off his first javelin. It spangs off the flail Raider's shield. Oystersauce runs forward to be behind Kalarion and set himself up to rape-
:
the two free marksmen.

Hauberk moves behind Gerey and fires off a predictable whiff (night time is very hard on our bros, and will be for the forseeable future, until they're at 70+ skill). As the round ends the Turtles are in a pretty comfy position:


Both marksmen run screaming from Oystersauce to open round 3.
: ****** come back, I got me an em-URGENCY here! Hey!

The lumberjacker moves up to tangle 1998 in melee. This is a potential problem, but it's a consideration for next round. Meanwhile, Eyestabber casually walks up to the netted longsword Raider for a little "chat".
: Hello, puke. You seem to be stuck. I can liberate your body-


: From its head.

1998 switches out to his warfork, but isn't able to take additional action right now due to lack of AP. He'll be relying on Fodder, Gerey and Hauberk to get him out of the bind he's found himself in.
: H-hello there Mr. Lumberjack! I hope you're OK! I see it's night-time, did you get your sleep today?
: ...wat

Oystersauce decides to satisfy his needs on the cleaver Raider that foolishly interposed himself in front of Kalarion last round:


: ahhhhhh.

Meanwhile, Nemesis decides to go mega-chad:
: Pardon me, good sword-and-board Raider, but my friend seems to be in something of a bind. Don't worry, my good buddy Whiteshark here will be happy to entertain you while I'm gone.
: Certainly, I'd like nothing better. Cheers, Nemesis!
: Toodles!



: I'm sorry Mr. Lumberjacker, but you've ****** with the needler's groove.
Raider: ...I wha-



Maidenhaver switches to Spikey and charges to support Kalarion and Oystersauce in the back line.
: Don't be stealin' my booty, y'dig?
: Spikey smashes whom he pleases.
: Jes' don't be stealin' my BOOTY, y'dig?
: I'm here for the food, you can have the rest.
: Muh *****!

Whiteshark immediately chums up with the sword-and-board Raider, destroying his shield.
: I feel this shield stands between us. Let us fix that forthwith.

Fodder takes advantage of the newly-naked sword-and-board Raider to land a nice headshot, nearly killing him. Hauberk moves into position but unfortunately misses again (on a 17% hit chance, I might add - night firing is hard).

: Eyestabber, watch carefully. This is called the foign:


: Observe the full body extension and locked arms. The foign is distinguished by its total commitment to offense.
Raider: my LEG!
Raider: <gurgling blood>
: Hm. Yes, very interesting. A Split.
: A FOIGN. Learn the difference.

Round 4 opens with one of the marksmen shooting an arrow into Fodder's arm. Asf finally joins the fight with a whiff, earning a riposte strike from the (almost dead) sword Raider. The lumberjacker steps forward and, incredibly, uses Round Swing with a Raider in range:


Unfortunately for us he only hits Turtles. Luckily both Gerey and Nemesis' armor holds and they don't receive significant damage. Yet.

: Chief. Watch carefully. This is called BEHEAD YOUR ENEMIES RAAAAAAAARGH!


: I can behead with a foign
: I don't believe you! With a thrust?!
[Ed: it's true! Check Episode 2:

Gerey takes out a the last Thug, on higher ground no less! And for the finale, Kalarion beheads the Pikeman with... a Split! His longsword slices clean through the neck of the Piker. The kinetic transfer explodes the head away from the body!

]

The cleaver raider lands a shot on Maidenhaver. It doesn't do significant damage but inflicts a bleeding stack. Next up, Maidenhaver fatally introduces the trapped marksman to Spikey. Oystersauce finally relieves his emergency with the cleaver Raider. Gerey takes another shot from the flail Raider. His armor is now destroyed and he's in serious trouble next round if we can't extricate him, but luckily he doesn't have any injuries yet:


Hauberk gets to work doing just that, landing his first shot of the night on the lumberjacker, piercing his hand. Nemesis follows up with two hits landed, but swords struggle against armor and, for this round at least, he doesn't move the dial. Gerey and Whiteshark both land shots on the lumberjacker. His armor is now destroyed and he's low on HP, but still standing and dangerous, especially now that he's got 3 bros in range of a Round Swing. Kalarion ends the round positioning himself to directly threaten the two remaining marksmen.
: Hello boys, I need training dummies for my foigning instruction. I believe you'll both apply!

Boontaker finally lands a good shot, taking down the lumberjacker. The marksman trapped by Maidenhaver frantically stabs with his puny knife, doing jack and ****. Incredibly, the two free marksmen stay in the fight rather than running from Kalarion! They even set themselves up for a good hard foigning:


Kalarion savors the moment.
Marksmen: Hello sir we are pleased to help practice dummying.
: ...you are? OK...

1998, free to use his warfork, steps forward and routs the flail Raider with a poke. The rest of the round is spent surrounding all remaining living Raiders on the field, including the Marksmen. Gerey dispatches the fleeing flail Raider. Finally, Kalarion steps up to the plate. His Split kills the close Marksman, triggering Berserk, but the far Marksman still lives. Unfortunately, 2h wielders can't attack twice, even with Berserk, if they move. Kalarion contents himself with squishing through the entrails of the Marksman he just split open.

: Hello! Just stay there a moment, I'll get to you shortly.
Marksmen: Sar. Please... do not redeem...
: Don't worry, I won't.

Round 6 opens with Eyestabber finishing off the southern Marksman.

Marksmen: Oh thank you SAR!
: He will.
: Hello.



: MY AXE!
: Yes asf, your axe.
: thanks ***

Fodder took an arrow to the arm in that fight, so we'll need to visit the temple when we get back to Rothstadt. But on the way:


: What the ****! Your injury is gone!
Fodder: Yeah Gingers amirite.
: Uhhhh...

We distribute the other nets and head back to Rothstadt for our pay. We now have almost 9,000 crowns! Unfortunately that contract didn't clear out Ambushed Routes, and we're out of tools. We'll risk the 1-star and hope it takes care of Routes, we badly need repairs. On the way to the camp I do some serious armor shuffling. Not pictured: Oytersauce getting one of the 50 hp durability armors and giving his 90 durability mail shirt to Gerey, and asf getting his axe.


We arrive at Duskfall Camp, and get a little surprise:


We'll talk about this in a second. First, let's talk about asf. I gave him the lumberjack axe before this fight, obviously. Great axes are cool, and they're also devastating. They do enormous base damage, and their normal attacks automatically hit the head and body together. They also have an additional special attack to Split Shield. It's called Round Swing. It strikes everything in a circle around the wielder. Now here's the thing. Round Swing is assigned to the button used for Split Shield on 1h axes. If you're not careful, or if you're used to using 1h axes prior to getting your first 2h axe, you might make a tiiiiiiiiiiiiny mistake. Depending on how many of your bros are around you when you make that mistake, it could be devastating.

I did it 4 times. Asf killed 3 bros. I had to restart this battle four times because of that FAWEOIVNALWKCNAWEL ROUND SWING that I kept using accidentally when what I wanted to do was Split Shield (which great axes are very good at). So, what you're about to see is the FIFTH attempt at this fight.

Okay! On to the (F I F T H) setup:


These are Brigand Leaders. They get a name, and whatever weapon they roll is also the highest quality. Depending on the type of Leader, they'll also come with either high quality medium armor or the lowest quality heavy armor. That makes them prime targets for shivving, especially now as the bros are trying to gear up. But those weapons, combined with Leaders' high melee skill, make them incredibly dangerous if they're not dealt with very carefully. A single Leader can easily mow down several bros before being taken out if they're not already level 7 or so, with Battleforged or Nimble.

Of all the five attempts, this looks to be one of the more advantageous to us, with a very tight opening and only one marksman.

: Boontaker, take the shield line and charge that gap. Let's see if we can seal them up.
: Yes sir. CHARGE!

We begin round 2 in position to bottle the center up and force the Raiders to dribble around the sides to fight us:


Incredibly, even though the Raiders have initiative on us, they fail to pour out of the gap in their wall! 1998 lands a single javelin throw, then Gerey closes the last distance and blocks them in. With no outlet and no polearm support, the center is effectively secure for as long as it needs to be.

: Fodder! Get up to the wall and start poking!
Fodder: Aye sergeant.
: You too when you run out of javelins Ventilator.
: On it.

: Alright big men, let's go pile on them from the south. Move out.

I'd like to note here that I completely forgot Fodder now has polearm mastery, and have been ending his turn prematurely even when he was capable of attacking. I don't start remembering until later.

The Raiders have some throwing weapons on them, and the lone Marksman tries to plink at the Turtles along the wall. But ranged weapons are actually hampered by walls, even if the attacker is right next to them. Polearm bros aren't hampered at all.

: Alright Fodder, let's start poking

"King Gerold" starts moving south to try to engage from that direction:


: Well, well. The bear walks into the Wo- Turtles' jaws. I smell opportunity here.
: I can take care of his shield.
: ...something about that makes me uneasy.
: What, you think I'm some *** that would swing my axe like a madman at his "friends"?! HAHAEHAHEHAHAHAH I would never

The hammer Raider likewise moves to the north to attempt the same from that direction. He's going to take several turns to reach our lines though.

: Ventilator!
: I see him. The boys will be fine for now, let's get some target practice.
: Sounds good. But first...


: A little gift for you, boys
: Yay!

Gerey swings twice and misses, not unexpected considering he's facing a Raider who's shieldwalling. Fodder and Boontaker both land their pokes, softening up the Raiders behind the wall for later.

Meanwhile down south, asf moves into place for split shield (...), Kalarion pulls out his shiv Poniard and Eyestabber slaps a club in his palm, while Maidenhaver does something else:
: All of my training has prepared me for this moment.


: Ack!

Round 4 begins with our bros in a good position:


The Raiders up north are starting to come around the edge of the hedge-line. 1998 and Hauberk will have to start falling back this round. Down south, Eyestabber walks up to Gerold and tries for a Knock Out, but misses. Whiteshark moves to Gerold's north and begins the shield destruction process.

: Stop attacking- mmf! my shield! Once I get out of these nets I'll- ungh! smash your face to shards!
: Nay. Not today, or ever again. Now, behave well and await thy long overdue justice.

Hauberk fires off a shot at the mallet Raider that flies wide. He retreats south. Gerey gets a hit in on the shieldwalling Raider, doing serious damage and inflicting an injury. Asf steps to the opposite side of Gerold and slams his axe into his shield. It's on the verge of shivering apart.

: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S TURTLE!

Oystersauce activates his trap card!
: Aight Stabberman, DOSEY-DOH!
: Wha-?!


: <breathing heavily> Bet you squeal like a pig when we're done wit you cracka.
: W-what?! Hng!


: Lookit that, he sleepin like a baby! Hey massa, you wanna shot at him?
: C'mon boys. Snicker-snack.

The axe-thrower has pulled out a monster mace and is trying to find some useful position on the other side of the wall. Boontaker takes full advantage of the situation, ramming the point of the standard into the Raider's face and dropping him to Wavering.

: Man this is fun. We should make a name for this, turn it into a game! Maybe something like... poke-a-Raider?
Fodder: Doesn't really roll off the tongue.
: We'll figure something out.

Nemesis confidently crushes the life from the shieldwall Raider, secure in the knowledge that even though the opening now allows the greatmace Raider into the fight, he won't be able to swing until next round. Meanwhile, Kalarion stalks forward.

: Heeeeeeeeere, Gerry-gerry! Tickle tickle!


: <ferally grinning> Knives out, Turtles. Time to carve some chicken.
: nnnnguuuuuh

Hauberk backs off from the hedge, and Fodder, deciding discretion is the better part of valor, follows suit. Those three up north are a potential threat, but we should be able to handle them. King Gerold wakes up at the end of the round.

Next round, asf continues hacking away at Gerold's shield. One more solid split should finish it. Eyestabber moves in, ready for more stunning, but this is too much for poor Gerry, who drops to Fleeing:


Whiteshark completes the destruction of Gerry's shield with two more splits. Up north, Boontaker misses the mallet Raider, and 1998 fires off his last javelin. He switches to his warfork. Fodder is in a bit of a pickle. Luckily, Gerey and Nemesis are now free to move in support. Gerey quickly steps forward and slashes the mallet Raider. Fodder, thinking coolly, decides on an unorthodox move:
Fodder: Back off.


It works! Fodder shoves the Raider away with the tip of his pike, and quickly backs away a step. It is at this point that I realize I've been wasting several of Fodder's turns, as I see he can still move another hex (which he quickly does). Nemesis quickly steps in front of the mallet Raider. The Repel also had the benefit of freeing Hauberk up to reload his crossbow. He fires off a shot but misses.

Oystersauce goes knives out...
: <smacks lips> I like 'em when they're all tied up.

...and misses.
: Shiv party! Mmmm...


: Ohhh yeah.


: AAAAAAaaaaahhnnnnngh-gurgh...

Maidenhaver eyes the mace Raider with lust in his eyes.
: Spikey needs a new body.


The lone marksman, still standing forlornly alone behind the palisade, fires off an angry shot at 1998 that slams home, piercing his chest and doing significant damage.

: Don't worry Mr. Archer! Spikey and I will keep you company! We're so hungry, you see.

The sword-and-board and sword Raiders both flail ineffectually at Gerey and Hauberk. Asf, having split Gerry's shield, switches to his club for a successful Knock Out. Boontaker, regaining his cool, steps forward and smashes the standard into the sword Raider's neck, destroying his helmet and causing a Grazed Neck injury. 1998 lands a body-blow, bringing the Raider to less than 5 HP. The Raider drops to Breaking.

Maidenhaver walks up to the Marksman, and now the power of his perk choices becomes apparent. He switches to a 1h mace, and since he has Quick Hands he still has 5 AP, enough to launch a single attack.
: Did I mention how hungry I am? You're in the way. Of my food.


Up top, Nemesis unleashes a pair of vicious slashes. The first slices open the sword Raider, and the second gashes the mallet Raider's nose, dropping him to Fleeing:


Whiteshark pulls out his knife.
: In the name of the women and children thou raped and robbed, thy assault on the meek, for these thou sufferest now. Thy suffering will not end with thy death.

...he misses his Puncture

Hauberk reloads and this time shoots true, a bolt slashing through the sword-and-board Raider's arm and dropping him to Fleeing. The fight is over. But the Turtles aren't finished yet.

: Aight dis' gettin boring. Time to die *****.


: Hey! I can do dat too!

Oystersauce doesn't have the stamina for another Puncture.
: Stop playing with your food Oyster.


Nemesis beheads the sword-and-board Raider, and Maidenhaver smashes the Marksman to pulp. Finally, Boontaker kills the last Raider to end the fight. Loot:


YES! This fight paid off huge for the Turtles! The body armor is the basic heavy armor, with 210 durability. The shiny helmet with chain coif looks unassuming but is actually the basic heavy helmet as well, with 200 durability! We've now got our first full suit of heavy armor that didn't come with Kalarion. The mace will make a fine new Spikey for Maidenhaver, and that hammer is amazing in the right hands. Even if we never have a 1h hammer bro, it's worth a shitload of money and will make us a good pile of crowns in the right circumstances.

We head back to Rothstadt, get our payout, and clear Ambushed Trade Routes!


1998, having received the only injury in the fight, gets his first visit to the temple:

: Yay!

The clearing of Ambushed allows the Turtles to buy badly needed supplies at more reasonable prices, including repair tools and a brand new Mail Hauberk and Mail Shirt (just to the left of the pictured hauberk):


Remember, prior to this fight our best armor was the Rusty Mail Shirts we've been scavenging off Raiders. Those have 90 durability. This is over a 50% upgrade in durability, a huge deal. Mail Shirts are close to 50% as well, clocking in at 130 durability.

: A good start. But this shop hasn't received new supplies in a long while, we'll need to look elsewhere for more. And we do need more. A lot more.
: What's the plan?
: Every Turtle will be in a Mail Hauberk at minimum. The only exception will be any archers we have, they can get Mail Shirts instead. Every Turtle on the main battle line will be in the heaviest armor they can handle. We may find an exception to that rule, but I don't anticipate it. At least, not for a long time.
: <whistling> Sweet Anselm, sir! That's a shitload of crowns!
: And worth every bit. This armor is the difference between Eyestabber crumpling in one solid hit or being able to shrug one off... or even two. Later the entire line of battle will be juggernauts. If we're Turtles, we're going to BE Turtles.
: Uh. OK.

A few minutes later.

: Whiteshark!
: Captain.
: I told you back then that better was coming. Well, better is here. It's time for you to become the iron wall that Turtles organize around on the battlefield. Wear your armor with pride.
: You know I will struggle with this weight, captain. Yet I will grow into it.
: You will. I'm confident of it.


This is a huge milestone, but note Whiteshark's new maximum fatigue. He's going to be able to fully act for maybe 3 rounds each battle until we can get it up (tehe) significantly. I'll be pumping his fatigue for the rest of his levels, even taking +1s if necessary. My goal for him is 60 effective fatigue in the heaviest armor, which comes out to approximately 25 more base fatigue. Hopefully we can make it, I might have to take Gifted to top off his perks to get there. We'll see.

Whiteshark isn't the only beneficiary of this contract. Gerey gets the Mail Hauberk, Hauberk gets the Mail Shirt, the entire front line gets Rusty Mail Shirts, the backline finally gets out of the leather surcoats they've been wearing forever, and Eyestabber and asf both get Padded Leather (80 durability, this is the armor our shield line was wearing until now). Everyone gets major helmet upgrades as well. All in all, the Turtles are looking significantly more menacing:


We're down to around 5,000 crowns, but it was well worth it. The Turtles' outfitting complete, Kalarion takes the package delivery to Riedland. Immediately outside town, we're notified that the Noble contracts ambition is fulfilled!


Noble contracts are entirely separate from standard settlement contracts. They're given by the lords of each faction, and only one is available at a time. New contracts pop up in the first settlement of a faction that the party enters. Think of the timing as similar to standard contracts (refreshing every 3 days), but only one pops up across the entire faction. Noble contract missions are unique (we'll see some shortly), they pay a lot better, and they introduce the ability to gain faction with a full house, rather than individual settlements. This allows the Turtles to further drive prices down in towns (although gaining house faction takes significantly longer due to the reduced rate of missions).

With this ambition fulfilled, we've finished out all ambitions that I foresee exercising my prerogative as LP player on. Looking over the votes, I count us at:
- Renown-building: 3 (Maidenhaver, Nemesis, Reinhardt)
- Unique: 1 (Whiteshark)

4 votes. Out of a total of something like 16 participants so far.

At any rate, renown-building has it! On the next ambition pop I'll take whichever renown-building I think is easiest to fulfill.

The Turtles stop in Grubenfeste, the Citadel on the way to Riedland. Kalarion takes the opportunity to off-load the vendor-fodder weapons we've been holding onto (weapons generally sell for better prices in Citadels). He strolls by the Armorer, and here we get an idea what a well-stocked armor shop looks like:


Note the prices on the higher-end armors. For context, we currently have about 6,500 crowns. The price on the armor that Kalarion has (Sellsword's Armor) is hard to see, because it's more than we have- about 6,800 crowns. The highest durability armor near the bottom tops out at over 10,000 crowns! We can see why Boontaker was shocked by Kalarion's goal. I ended up not buying any of the armor here (foolishly, perhaps) because Reinbruch has an Armorer and it's possible to get mid-level armor almost at-cost with good faction.

The Turtles walk into Riedland without further incident, collecting their payout. We also see our first Noble contract on offer:


The 1-star is an exploration contract, which we haven't dealt with in quite awhile. It looks to be relatively easy, we might actually take it:


The 2-star is a package delivery to Reinbruch! This is nice, since Reinbruch is our hoped-for source of cheap armor. But the Noble contract gives Kalarion pause:


Contracts like this allow us to clear the Marauding Greenskins condition from the given town. Marauding Greenskins is devastating to a town, inflating prices and severely reducing supply. We need this gone if we're going to use Reinbruch as Kalarion hopes to.

But Noble marauding greenskin contracts can be deadly.

Kalarion strolls outside town to ponder the group's course of action, and the new Ambition choice pops up:


2 renown-building and an exploration. Kalarion ends up choosing the adornment ambition. It should be pretty easy to fulfill, we can buy generic adornments from well-stocked Armorers. Kalarion decides to take the Turtles to Salzfels and see what's on offer there:


That icon is for the Disappearing Children condition. Clearing it usually involves taking a contract for a very very nasty fight with a party with low Resolve. We'll talk about it later.

The 2-star is a caravan guard to Jerstal. Readers may recall that Jerstal is far to the north and isolated from other settlements. Dismissed immediately. The 3-star is a hunting contract. It's worth about 1,000 crowns. Kalarion takes it.

: Can't see **** in this darkness, sir. We should probably camp for now and pick up the tracks in the morning.
: Alright. Boontaker, get the camp setup.
: Yes sir.

The tracks show up in the morning, and the Turtles head out. Our quarry turns out to be sitting quietly in the mountains south of town:


: That's a lot of firepower, sir.
: Yes. A charge may be in order here. Sound the advance.

Asf leads the way... and immediately recieves a bolt to the hand for his trouble. Maidenhaver receives a bolt full in the chest, dropping him to half HP. Other than those unfortunate happenings, the first two rounds are mostly uneventful. The Turtles jockey for position with the Raiders, trying to limit in particular the 2h bros' exposure to the Marksmen. Towards the end of the round, Whiteshark smashes a shield to bits and Fodder takes advantage of the opening to land a solid body-blow on the (now shieldless) northern hammer Raider:


Kalarion charges up on one of the crossbow Marksmen, earning himself a headshot from the shielded hammer Raider. It does a significant amount of damage to the helmet but otherwise doesn't worry Kalarion much. Then, in round 3, a crossbow Marksman on high ground lands another shot on asf. This one hurts badly and causes another injury. Asf is effectively out of the fight, along with Maidenhaver. This is the danger of dealing with large cohorts of Marksmen.

Kalarion's marksman target pulls out his dagger and flails ineffectually at Kalarion. Then the hammer Raider futilely smashes his hammer against Whiteshark's shield:


A cheeky spear Raider sneaks into the back ranks, threatening 1998 and Boontaker.
: Gerey!
: Ja, leave him to me.

Hauberk, secure behind Whiteshark's shield, takes a leisurely reload and plants a bolt in the hammer Raider's chest. He's dropped to Wavering and half HP, his armor completely destroyed. Boontaker attempts an attack on the spear Raider but (not yet having polearms mastery) whiffs badly. Unfazed, he pops Adrenaline Rush with every intention of unfairly taking another shot next round.

Oystersauce, in a duel with a shielded cleaver Raider, stabs aggressively with the Goedendag:


: Lil' bit of PENETRATION, no'm sayin' bro?

Eyestabber steps up on a marksman that stayed foolishly close and beheads him.
: That for anyone who stabs my brother.
: Thanks ***

1998 switches to his warfork but can't take any other safe action this round. The shielded hammer Raider continues working on Kalarion's armor, doing real damage now:


It should be noted that all of this damage is the result of 3 attacks from that hammer. I HATE hammer wielders, they do literally what their special skill says- demolish armor.

: You are going to die for this.

Meanwhile Gerey makes good on his word, making mincemeat of the spear Raider and dropping him to Wavering:


: Ahhhh, Sturm und Drang. Back to basics, ja.

Nemesis does the same to the shielded hammer Raider. Impressively he does it from low ground! Fodder finishes off Whiteshark's target, then steps forward, confident that Whiteshark will soon cover his movement.

Kalarion decides he wants a kill to drive a Berserk proc:


: RAAAAAAAARGH!


Note here that Kalarion had the possibility two get off two Swings (the 3-tile target attack) if he managed a kill on the first. However given the Raider's armor I judged that a Swing likely wouldn't kill (if Kalarion had a better 2h sword I might have risked it). Hence the single-target attack first, with higher damage and a better chance of procing berserk. The Swing drops the shield Raider north of Kalarion immediately to Wavering. Then, Whiteshark walks up to both Raiders, dropping the shielded hammer Raider to wavering as well! He tries a swing at the low-ground Raider but misses.

Round 4 opens with Boontaker taking full advantage of his Adrenaline Rush, landing a monster hit on the spear Raider that drops him to negligible HP and pierces his shoulder. The high-ground Marksman that hurt asf so badly now goes to work on Eyestabber, landing a shot that pierces Eyestabber's ribcage.

Wavering but not yet broken, the low-ground hammer Raider once again goes to work on Kalarion's armor. He's dangerously low on armor and HP now, but undeterred. Oystersauce merrily pokes another hole in the cleaver Raider's shoulder. Amazingly the Raider hasn't yet lost any morale, perhaps too ******** to know what a world of **** he's in.

The spear Raider takes two more stabs at Boontaker, dealing massive damage and piercing his ribs. But Gerey finishes what he started, mercilessly cutting the Raider down. Eyestabber, the bolt still sticking out of his ribs, decides to pay the crossbow Marksman a visit.

: Hello, worm.

Hauberk attempts a long shot at the last Marksman but misses. Whiteshark opens a can on the top-level shielded hammer Raider, hitting twice on a low hit chance and smashing him to the ground. The lower-level Raider, witnessing his confederate's casual massacre, drops to Fleeing.
: Break and flee, little worms. Thy death is nigh.

Eyestabber's Marksman switches to his club and tries for a Knock Out but misses.

This fight is over. The final Raiders die squealing and shamed, as is their lot. The last, amusing, action of the Raiders is the Marksman stunning Eyestabber... and then bleeding out like a stuck pig from his previous wound.


Gerey, Hauberk and 1998 have levelled (these were taken care of in previous posts). Loot is pretty much ****, although the hammers those two pesky Raiders had will be worth a good chunk of change.

The Turtles return to Salzfels in the dead of night for their pay, to find that Disappearing Children has healed itself. Kalarion is quietly relieved. But the greenskins weigh on him.

: Boontaker. Whiteshark. Gerey. Oystersauce. Maidenhaver.
: Aye.
: I said we'd be taking risks. Well, this will be the biggest yet. We're going to relieve Reinbruch. That town is central to my plans for us, and we need their favor as well. We've come far together, and hopefully this coming contract will be one more story to tell around a distant campfire. Prepare the men for a tough fight. Maybe the toughest we've faced, we'll see.
: As long as there's food.
: We will be ready!
: ...
: Can't no one **** wit us. We good boss!

The others head to their tasks as the Turtles head for Riedland and the greenskin contract.

: That sounded rather ominous, sir. Something you're not telling us?
: Yes. I don't know if I need to, and I don't want to scare the men. We'll see when we get there, like I said earlier. Go get the men on the march. And get them ready, Boontaker. Drill them hard.
: Yes, sir.

[Oyster Sauce]

I'm glad everything is going well for us. Should be smooth sailing from here on out

[Crowned Puppet]

Just read through the thread, good stuff.

I'm glad everything is going well for us. Should be smooth sailing from here on out

There's always a lindwurm to **** things up.

► Show Spoiler

[Kalarion]

FULL METAL JACKETS, cont.

► Play Session

The Turtles head back to Salzfels for their pay. That completes our work in Salzfels, so we head back to Riedland to take on the greenskin contract.

While Kalarion makes another Nachzehrer trophy, the wounded go see the Sisters:



: Yay!
: Pah!
: soft southern wenches. They're turning you all into ****


: Yay!
: Softer?! ***
: ...


: better.

: Whiteshark!
: Sir.
: This is for you.


We stock up on supplies and take the contract. It's only 590 crowns total, so Kalarion is hopeful it will provide a good training opportunity and an easy payout. The Turtles stop in Waidhof on the way to Reinbruch, but they've got Disappearing Villagers and we can't take on a contract to try to clear it. Next stop: Reinbruch.

: Boontaker, we're getting close to town. Have Hauberk and Ventilator move ahead and look for our quarry.
: Aye sir. Ventilator!
: Sergeant?
: Take Hauberk and check around the outskirts of town. See if you can find sign of our targets.
: What am I looking for?
: Greenskins.
: Yes, but what kind of greenskins?
: What do you mean? They travel together. Ambushers, Skirmishers...
: That's ONE kind.
: We're looking for the other.
: <long look> Aye, sir.

As we close on the town, the marauders come into the scouts' sight:


: We found them, Sergeant.
: Good. How many?
: Only 7.
: Should be a slaughter then. Nice.
: Tell me the rest.
: You were right sir. The other kind.
: And?
: Mostly youngs. But they had a pair of nannies.
: ...****. Where are they headed?
: ...I took a risk and made an assumption, sir. I think they were headed for town, so I let them see us. They're an hour or so behind.
: Be wary of assumptions. In this case you were right, we need them away from town. But we have a problem. We have three wounded.
: Why not just put them in the reserves and take them on, sir? We still outnumber them.
: If it was just youngs, we would. But not for this. We're going to need everyone in the fight. The boys need another day to finish recovering. Then we fight.
: ...what are we up against, sir?
: You'll see soon enough. For now, get the men ready, we're going to fight in the forest east of town.
: Why would the greenskins follow us that far?
: Because they've got our track. They can't think far enough ahead to turn away for the town. Let's move.

We lead them on a merry chase until the wounded Turtles can recover, then wait patiently for the marauders in the woods southeast of town:



Mood:


These are Orcs. They're most similar to barbarians, only with even more stamina, enormous strength, mid-to-low morale and no Adrenaline Rush. They carry their own version of human weapons, that deal massive damage in exchange for a heavy fatigue penalty (which they can easily absorb). They fight best in packs with wide open spaces such as the steppes and plains (which is usually where they're found). We're seeing the bottom of the totem pole for Orcs here: the Youngs. They're lightly armored (a lot of them wear no armor at all), and dumb. Their tactic is to walk up and whack at their target until it dies. When they carry shields, they're weak wooden affairs that can be easily smashed to pieces (think Zulu shields).

: What the **** is that?!
: The other kind, Sergeant.
: Where's Ventilator?
: Close. He's just beyond that copse there. He wanted to make sure these things - he called them Orcs - didn't turn aside.
: Alright men. This is why I chose the forest. Boontaker, find good chokepoints and set the men up around them. I want a minimum 3-to-1 advantage in every fight we can get away with.
: 3 to 1?! Is there something you'd like to tell us NOW, sir?
: I wish I had. Now... well, we'll learn on the job. Get moving.
: Aye. VENTILATOR!
: Almost there.
: Go around north, we'll link up.
: Aye.

In the first round I make two mistakes. First, I move 1998 north to try and link up with the Turtles, gambling that there won't be any Orcs nearby. I was wrong:


: YOUNG HERE!
: Dammit! Gerey, Hauberk, get over there and support him! Kill it as quick as you can, we're going to need your help soon.
: Jawohl!

Hauberk fires off a shot at the northern Young but misses badly. Gerey moves in front of 1998 and immediately pays for it:


: OOF! Nnnnnng...

Orc Youngs' special ability is Charge. Charge is a 5 AP straight-line dash. It requires at least two hexes between the charger and target. Charge automatically stuns its target. That's bad enough, but because it only costs 5 AP, Orcs frequently get an attack off (with a penalty to-hit) right after the Charge. A full line of charging Orcs can be devastating, which is why they fight best on open terrain. In forests and other restricted terrain they have a harder time mass-charging (or charging at all). The only way to prevent a charge stun is to successfully counter the charge with a Spearwall attack.

Gerey eats the stun but luckily evades the attack.

At this point I make my second mistake. I forgot to follow my own advice. The Turtles are set up incorrectly in the south, leaving Fodder exposed to attack, and Eyestabber in a position where he could potentially deal with two fighters at once. Worse, my heavy other hitters are too far back from the expected line of contact:


: <whistling> Big brute. Looks like fun.
: Fodder, back up! Whiteshark, get over here now!
: Calm, Sergeant. I come.

These are Orc Warriors. They wear massive armor, carry enormous slabs of metal they call shields, and are even stronger than the Young. They're slow, lumbering death machines. It generally takes a skilled swordmaster or a fully armored and high-level bro in heavy armor to take one of these on single-handedly.

The rest of the round is spent getting the bros into the best position possible.
: Nemesis, take care of that straggler please.
: ****** isn't wearing any armor at all. This should be fun.

Nemesis is sent to deal with the lone southeast Young, while Whiteshark moves to cover Fodder. Ideally he and Eyestabber would be switched, but it's too late for that now.

The round opens with the southern Young (the one paired with a Warrior) moving into position and charging Eyestabber. Luckily the single hex of movement prevents him from getting off an attack in the bargain. Boontaker instantly smashes the Young's arm, claiming first blood:


: Yay!

Nemesis' Young also charges, but Nemesis has stellar melee defense and even stunned handily dodges the follow-up attack. 1998 throws his first pair of javelins, missing with the first and dealing some armor damage with the second. Maidenhaver moves north to help Gerey and 1998. Hauberk fires off another shot, this time at the Young approaching from the west, and sees...:

: SheeeeeIT!
: That's going to be trouble.

Fodder unfortunately misses his shot on the southern Young. Kalarion doesn't, smashing the helmet of the western Young and slicing his neck. Then Whiteshark lets loose with a pair of chops, the second claiming first kill:


: Die.

The northern Young misses Gerey again and decides to turtle up with a shieldwall. Then I make another mistake. I move Oystersauce north to get us ready for the fight with the Warrior, leaving him exposed and with no direct attack support until next turn:


Meanwhile, Eyestabber and Boontaker back off a bit, encouraging the southern Warrior to engage Whiteshark instead. Gerey gets off a slash on his opponent, destroying his armor. He decides discretion is the better part of valor and shieldwalls instead of risking a whiff. Nemesis begins working on the southeast Young, slicing twice for massive damage and leaving it a complete wreck.

: To the catacombs with you!

Then, the mace Young fighting Kalarion gets off a Knock Out, stunning him! This is bad, I was counting on Kalarion being able to crush the Young this turn. Maidenhaver is in position to attack Gerey's Young, and does so:


: Spikey requires test subjects for his new body. You'll do.
: Danke, bruder.

Nemesis' Young tries for a feeble slash and misses handily. He instantly shieldwalls. 1998 throws two more javelins and whiffs! I don't like how long it's taking to kill these side orcs. Hauberk fires off a bolt at the approaching Warrior and hits, but just dents its massive armor.
: Anselm have mercy, it's like shooting at a battering ram!
: ...get ready Oyster.
: Yuh.

The northern Warrior arrives and makes its first attack. Luckily it barely misses. Oystersauce retaliates, but what on Raiders and Thugs would be a massive shot, here does negligible damage:


: Poke poke, *****!
Orc Warrior: Heh heh heh. Poke, poke. Funny little thing. You'll die first.
: ...dafuq?

The southern Warrior takes up Whiteshark's offer, and misses handily.
: Hark! A walking tree stump! Try again, little fool!
Orc Warrior: I am Grok Three-Skull, and I will make you rue your-
: Silence, jackanapes! I have more of your brethren to kill. Make this quick.
Orc Warrior: RRRRRRRR!

Fodder frustratingly misses again. But Whiteshark puts his money where his mouth is, getting off a vicious headshot that causes a full 1/3 of the Warrior's HP! He instantly shieldwalls.
Orc Warrior: AAARRGH! You'll pay for that, runt!
: Show me.

The northern Young, enraged by the walloping he received at Maidenhaver's hands, tries to retaliate but misses. Interestingly, he doesn't take another action. One of the nice things about maces is that they do additional "damage" to fatigue. 2h maces can tire out even the most indefatigable targets, as long as they're not immune. The last hit has this Young badly winded.

Eyestabber steps back into position, causing a drop to Wavering for the Warrior but unable to attack this round.
: Pick on someone your own size.

Boontaker follows suit, getting into position and popping Adrenaline Rush for first strike next round. Asf moves forward to engage the axe Young but misses. Not good.

Next round, Spikey takes down the northern Young, causing the northern Warrior to drop to Wavering as well:


: All three of you, get here NOW!
: Jawohl!
: Just pokin this muhfugga here.
Orc Warrior: Hah hah hah! Poke, poke! It tickles, little man! I'll kill you quick.

Eyestabber lets loose with a massive swing that does good armor damage but not much else. Warriors at this point SUCK. Meanwhile the axe Young rips off a pair of vicious slashes. The first misses, but the second gives us a taste of what orcs are capable of:


: NNGH! Gods of the north!
That's 89 damage with a ONE-HANDED axe that hit the BODY, by the way. Asf's armor is almost destroyed, he took about 1/3 of his HP in damage, and dropped to Wavering. There's better news in the southeast, where Nemesis casually beheads his opponent. Unfortunately he's far away from the action and won't be any more help for another 2 rounds at least.

Asf misses his second swing. Very bad. The mace Young stuns Kalarion AGAIN. Very very bad. Hauberk fires another shot at the Warrior. This time it actually penetrates, doing some HP damage. Fodder misses for his third straight attack. Gerey and 1998 rush to support asf and Oystersauce. And then:

: Uuuuuurgh... f-***-
Orc Warrior: Your head will make a nice cup.


: B-b-b-b-
Orc Warrior: Poke. Poke.
: Nnnguh- wha?

The Warrior in the south decides he's had enough of playing footsy with Whiteshark and Eyestabber:


Orc Warrior: You look soft. Tasty too. I'll have you next.

Orc Warriors can't charge. Their special ability is called Line Breaker. They can push bros out of an occupied hex and occupy it themselves. The back line is never safe while a Warrior is nearby. Like Charge, Line Breaker's AP cost is low enough that, if the Warrior hasn't otherwise moved, he's free to attack on the same turn. Luckily the Warrior misses his followup on Boontaker this turn. Whiteshark finishes out the round by landing another hit on the Warrior's armor, but he's too winded at this point to take another action.

The next round opens in disaster:
Orc Young: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!


Orc Young: Buck-breaking time!
: Yo **** DIS **** I'm OUT ******!
: Oystersauce, no! Don't run! HOLD FIRM!
Orc Young: RUN piggy!
: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Did I say earlier that 2 open hexes were needed for a charge? Well, I was wrong, and Oyster paid for it. The Young charged Oyster, dropping him to Breaking, then connected with his followup attack, demolishing his armor, slicing open his arm and dropping him instantly to Fleeing. If I can't fix his morale immediately he's going to get slaughtered trying to run from the Warrior and Young.

Boontaker instantly pops Adrenaline Rush again, hoping to get close enough to Oyster next round to rally him. He smashes his spear into the chest of the Warrior, dealing good damage and bringing the Warrior's armor to near breaking.

: Kill it now, I have to get to Oyster!

Eyestabber completes the armor's destruction with his attack.

: KILL IT KILL IT KILLIT!

Gerey absolutely demolishes the Young that broke Oyster, dropping him to Wavering. 1998 follows up with his last javelin, landing a shot that sticks in the Young's ribs. Unfortunately he doesn't yet have Quick Hands and so ends his turn switching out his Warfork.

: STURM UND DRANG!
: DIE!

Fodder finally lands his first hit of the fight, bringing the Warrior down to less than 10% HP and dropping him to Breaking. Kalarion, finally freed of his stunlock, goes to work:


: 1!


: 2! RAAAAAAAAARGH!
Orc Warrior: ...wat
: The only skull being used for anything will be yours. It's going to be the Turtles' pisspot for the night!
Orc Warrior: Hahahahahahah! C'MERE BUCKAROO!

The Warrior destroys Oystersauce, who is saved by Nine Lives. Meanwhile down south, Whiteshark misses his only attack attempt.

: DAMMIT HIT SOMETHING FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE.
: ...

The Warrior goes to work on Boontaker but thankfully misses the first attack. The second is plenty, ripping his armor to shreds and causing a bleeding stack. But he'll be ok as long as the Warrior gets no more attacks on him.

Then the worst happens. I was under the impression that when someone is dropped to Fleeing, he loses that turn and then immediately tries running on the next. I was wrong. Oystersauce just got dropped to the end of the turn, he didn't lose it.

He tries to run.


Orc Warrior: Feels good!
: Oyster! MEIN NEGER!

: <snarling> I'll do it myself!

Boontaker is as good as his word, finishing off the Warrior. The sight of the death drops the northern Warrior from Confident (which he got from slaughtering Oystersauce) back to Steady. Boontaker moves to support Kalarion. Nemesis, finally back from his duel, moves to begin the encirclement of the Warrior. Warriors are extremely dangerous in these situations, but the Turtles have all gone berserk.

1998 viciously stabs the Warrior, destroying what's left of his armor and dropping him to Wavering. Gerey, the fires of the ovens burning in his eyes, moves next to Nemesis. His slash tears a chunk out of the Warrior and drops him to Breaking.

: KRIIIIIIIEG!

Hauberk reloads and lands another shot... but it's a headshot! The one thing the Warrior still has armor on.

Remember I said Warriors are extremely dangerous in these situations? Well...


: Augh!
Orc Warrior: One more pasty corpse for our pots tonight!

A little of that RNG magic. The only "good" thing about it is that the Warrior headshotted one attack, meaning both attacks got softened by full armor. Otherwise Nemesis probably would have died too.

Kalarion has had enough.


Orc Warrior: Ahhh-aahhhhhh-AAAH!
: RUN, you little ****-kicking steppe-******!

The Warrior intends to do just that:


: Oh, I didn't say we'd let you go. I just wanted you completely humiliated first. Your skull, our pisspot. Take that thought with you into hell.
: Nemesis. Take the honors?
: With - nnng! - pleasure.


@Oyster Sauce, for your edification:



Loot is ****, but at least it's valuable ****. The bros pick over the field and then head back to Riedland for their pay. We meet a group of webknechts in the forest, but they're smart enough to stay out of our way.

The contract clears Marauding Greenskins from Reinbruch. Nemesis gets a visit with the Sisters:


Funds were dropped quite low from this excursion and restocking, so we sell off most of our inventory in Riedland (resale price is 20% right now, which is about the best we can expect without having a beneficial condition on the town first). Outside of town:

: Men, the last time we had to do this we didn't have a Sergeant, and we'd just gotten to full strength. Now we do. Boontaker, conduct funeral honors.
: Aye, sir.

Funeral drills are conducted.

: The Captain will speak.
: Here lie Oystersauce Saussier and asf. Asf had not yet attained his surname, but was known by his position in the line of battle, 2haxebro ( ).
: Oystersauce was the first Turtle. He killed 17 men and monsters over 26 battles. Oystersauce was... well he was a ******. His only wish in life was to smash faces with a hammer and **** down the Sisters of Anselm's Mercy. Anselm had other ideas.
: Asf was relatively newly-arrived. He got his axe, and he made sure we all knew who was a ******. Most importantly, he was honored by a visit from the Sisters of Anselm's Vengeance, a rare occurrence.
: He killed 7 men and monsters before his unfortunate encounter with the Orc Warrior. Nemesis avenged his death, as was proper.
: ...I have not dealt well with the death of Turtles in the past. Each of you is a precious little dipshit to me.
Fodder: ...
: But I've remembered over the last two months that death is a part of our life. We will honor the dead, and the dead will be replaced.
: Perhaps, some day, we will see the dead again.
: ...
: The rites are concluded. Boontaker, bring them back to town. We move out on our next job tomorrow.
: Aye, sir.

There's a new contract in Riedland, a 1-star for caravan guard to Waidhof. Tempting, but the package delivery to Reinbruch is still available. I'd rather take that for now, since it's where I'm headed anyways.

Our packs full with food and tools, we head out to Reinbruch. The journey is uneventful. Kalarion treats the men to a night on the town to ease the recent funerals:


Kalarion checks the town out the next day:


: I've got a bad feeling where these children are going.

With a sinking heart, Kalarion checks the available contracts. The first is a caravan guard to Sonstedt. The payout is hefty:


The second...


: You ******* moron. Make a deal with the devil and then try to pay off the trash to clean it up?! Tell WENZEL good luck. We're done here.
...
: Get ready, men. We're going to Sonstedt.
: You know what's doing this, sir. No one here is up to this. They'll suck the town dry and leave behind a husk.
: Interesting. I would have thought it'd be Whiteshark plucking at my conscience.
: Captain?
: You know, with your "reading".
: I know not, sir. Ne'er in my reading have I encountered the sort of creature of which ye speak.
: I'll be damned. As for you, Eyestabber, when did you start caring about the lives of "soft southerners"?
: I don't. But what battens upon this town is a plague. All of them must be annihilated, wherever they are found. We have dealt with them in the North.
: You do not leave them to their devices. Besides, didn't you have grand plans for this place? Hard to do much with it if all the children are gone.
: We just lost two men! I haven't even replaced them yet. What do you think will happen if we take this contract?!
: It must be tried, sir.
: ...

Kalarion checks out the available hires. Most are trash, but one looks promising:
@Cogemeister: perhaps the first person you come across who is decent with spears (never played this game) and a shield.


: H-hello sir! I'm ready to sign up.
: Indeed. Name?
: C-Cogemeister sir! I'm the best mason in these parts! Give me a brick wall and it'll be fixed up in a jiffy! Why I've even repaired kilns and-
: Hmmm. Boontaker, give him a spear and shield put him on the line.
: Aye, sir.
: Now let me tell you about forge chimneys, they have to be curved on the inside juuust right for maximum air intake-

Cogemeister's stats are good for a shieldbro, especially a low-tier background shieldbro. We're going to need to do some work on HP, fatigue and resolve, but those talent stars in melee and ranged defense are going to be very helpful. And those stars in melee skill means he may actually get up to 80 by level 11. For now, a spear is perfect for him.

Cogemeister gets a brand-new suit of Padded Leather from the town's Armorer. Kalarion goes back to see the mayor.

: We'll take the job. Have the money ready.

...

: Boontaker, pass the word to the men. Clubs out, primary weapons put away. Set up camp and have them all get their rest. We won't be doing any other work for a couple hours.
: Ventilator might lose the tracks with that much time...
: He won't need to. She'll come to us. They always know where their marks are. The men of the North don't know why. I think it's because they can smell the blood of those promised to them.
: As good a guess as any. At any rate Eyestabber is right. We don't need to go anywhere. Wenzel being here means she'll come to us. As a matter of fact, Ventilator won't be helping us fight.
: What?! He's half our ranged power sir! I know he's not very accurate yet, but...
: Trust me on this.
: ...Aye, sir. And what's this, "she"? What is this, sir?
: Time for some more on-the-job learning. Remember what I said. Clubs ONLY.
: Aye, sir. And the standard?
: Keep it out. The men will need to see it for what's to come.

As the day goes on, Kalarion gives final orders.
: Spread the men. Give them plenty of space.


Not shown: 1998 and Nemesis in the reserves. Nemesis won't be much use while recovering from his injuries.

Afternoon comes.
: Fodder! What are you doing!

Fodder: <pointing> she wants me. I'm going to her.


: No, son. Take another look. That's no ordinary lady.


: She is poison! 'Ware!
: <eyes widening> two... there are two! COVEN! Got an Unhold with them!
: An Unhold?! ****!



We got a twofer, boys. The two hags in front are Hexen, and the big monster behind them is an Unhold.

I said before that Webknechts are individually the weakest monsters in the game. I was wrong. Hexen are. They can't even attack. But they don't have to. Hexen can charm (note the heart flying across the field). Charm rolls a check with a heavy penalty against the bro's resolve. If the bro fails he acts as an enemy for the next two turns. Now we can see why I had everyone pull out clubs to start the fight: the best way to deal with charmed bros is a quick Knock Out with the weakest clubs available (to minimize actual damage). Charmed bros can cause havoc in a formation, especially if they're charmed while their primary weapon is out (imagine Kalarion charmed). And they almost always come to a fight with pets: usually Unholds or other monsters.

Unholds are this game's troll. They're huge, stupid, have a ton of health and regenerate, and their fists are about as strong as greatmaces (meaning they cause shitloads of injuries with each attack). They can also charge, like Orc Young. The normal method of dealing with Unholds is to net them and then poke the **** out of them with reach weapons and bows. They have no armor so arrows work excellently.

Now then, speaking of charm:


Note the change in appearance after the successful charm.

: Verily! Yon lady is a vision of beauty! Any true knight would rush to her bidding, and it is my honor to be first to serve! Command me, lady!
Hexen: Fair knight, thou speakest with poise and eloquence. Kill these brutes, who desire to ravish me and despoil my honor.
: <turning to the Turtles with a nasty glint> Aye.

The second crone wastes no time charming Gerey.
: Mein Gott. Eva?!
Hexen: Mein schatz! Hilfe mich! Mein Feind kommt an! Ihr sind... Juden!
: STURM UND DRANG to the Juden!
: What the **** are-
: DEUTSCHLAND UBER ALLES!
: Uhhhh. Whatever. Wenzel! Find a bush or something. Get out of here!

In these contracts, the Hexen's mark is always a participant in the fight. I quickly order Wenzel to run as far away as possible. He shouldn't be relevant to the rest of the fight.

This fight is on unfortunate terrain. The two hills on either side of the road makes closing with the Hexen difficult. Boontaker makes a start, charging forward, while Eyestabber begins moving south. Hauberk moves to take the high ground, hoping to get a shot off on the Hexen while they're busy trying to charm half the line. But I misread the elevations and sent him in the wrong direction, adding at least an extra turn before he'll be ready to fire.

Meanwhile, Cogemeister lands his first stun shot, rendering Gerey harmless for the round.
: S-sorry sir!
: Villain! Thou wilt pay for thine invidious attentions on the lady!
: I-I said... sir?



Uh-oh. This is the first time I've ever seen this happen, but it makes sense. Wenzel is an easy target. Luckily Whiteshark's current weapon doesn't do too much damage, hopefully Wenzel will survive the incoming beatdown. One of the Hexen foolishly tries to charm Boontaker and fails.
: Crones, I've been with the Sisters of Anselms Mercy and more women than you can count. You're 2/10, tops.
Hexen: Then die in our place, lech!

This is worrisome:


Hexen can also hex. It's irresistible, and causes the cursed bro to take all damage the Hexen does for the next turn, ignoring armor. Weak bros that get hexed can get one-shot when attacking the Hexen if we're not careful. Again here the club is useful. Knocking out the Hexen will prevent actions on the next round, and does minimal HP damage to the cursed bro. Incredibly, the second Hexen tries charming Boontaker AGAIN, with the same result!
: No, no, ladies, I'm already taken

Gerey wails on Cogemeister before returning to the Turtles.
: Eva! Ich kommt-! Wait. Newbie? Get in the fight!
: I-I have been sir.
: Oh. Ohhhh. Oh those whores.

: Boontaker, get ready to poke the **** out of this guy. I'll protec- urk!


Unholds can also Fling. They throw the target bro over their head and take his old spot. The target bro gets Staggered, which forces him to act last in the round. In this case we have a happy circumstance, however. Kalarion landed right next to the Hexen.

: Ladies
Hexen: Eeeeeeeeeeee!

Hauberk gets in position on the bluff. Whiteshark beats the **** out of Wenzel before returning to control.
: That for my lady! And that! And THA-! ...what is this?
Wenzel: Uuuuuuuuh hurr...


: <horrified> Poisoned. My mind has been poisoned. The stench of it wafts through the air. FOUL CRONES!

Maidenhaver charges forward to support Kalarion, while Cogemeister quickly switches to his spear and moves forward as well. Kalarion gets his turn.
: Say good night, you dried up old ****.
Hexen: How DARE- urk


Note the small amount of damage Boontaker took. Kalarion casually switches to his sword.
: I'll take pleasure in guttin' you, HAG.

Fodder switches out to his pike and begins moving toward the Unhold.
: Fodder! NO!

Boontaker starts round 3 by frantically poking the Unhold and then Adrenaline Rushing, hoping to capitalize on any chance that presents itself for escape. Meanwhile the unstunned Hexen instantly charms Fodder... who has his pike out. Not good. The Unhold smashes Boontaker flying backwards:


Broken ribs and massive damage are a small price to pay to be taken out of the Unhold's ZOC. We just need to keep Boontaker back and we're good. Hauberk sends a bolt flying at the Unhold, which does about as much damage as a mosquito bite. Gerey instantly Knocks Out Fodder, a relief considering Fodder was in range to stab Boontaker. Maidenhaver walks up to the unstunned Hexen:
: Hello stick-girl, this here is Spikey Junior. He'd like a talk.

Thanks to his Mace mastery, Knock Out stun is 100% (the normal chance is 75%). The Hexen is out for the round. Wenzel continues putting distance from everyone, while Whiteshark moves fast to cover Boontaker. Then Cogemeister tries to move away from the fight, forgetting that Fodder is still charmed and has just come out of stun:


: E-EEK!

Kalarion dispatches the first Hexen. He uses his Berserk charge to move to the Unhold's rear, keeping it locked up and away from Boontaker.
: Burn in hell, you dusty snatches. Maidenhaver, finish this other ***** for me, will you?
: Oh, we will.

Kalarion is confident Maidenhaver can finish the job. The Hexen won't be acting next round, and Maidenhaver has quick hands. Boontaker attempts a shot at the Unhold but misses badly, suffering now under an 18% hit chance. Fodder spends his final turn charmed finishing the job he started on Cogemeister:


Fodder: The ladies are MINE, they came to ME first, I'll have them both, they promi-! Wha?

Hauberk fires another shot at the Unhold. Whiteshark completes his charge to surround it. Maidenhaver brings out Spikey.
: Spikey does not like the way you talked to Spikey Junior. Now you will have words with him.


Now we just have the Unhold to deal with. It lands a pulverizing blow on Kalarion, knocking him back. But Kalarion's armor is strong enough to absorb a hit or two before he starts taking real damage. Gerey switches to his sword but doesn't move forward for now, not wanting to invite a hit with his much lower melee defense. He takes a breather. Kalarion moves forward and slashes the Unhold, dealing significant damage.

Next round, Eyestabber, who hasn't done a **** thing this fight, switches back to his sword and charges up the road to help with the Unhold. Hauberk lands another shot from the cliff, while Whiteshark switches to his axe and hits as well. The Unhold is close to 50% HP at this point, but remember that it will regenerate on its turn. Fodder, fresh off of slaying Cogemeister, steps to the high ground and MISSES the Unhold! Maidenhaver moves into position to attack next round.

The Unhold attacks Kalarion again, again missing one shot and landing the last. Kalarion is knocked back but still healthy for now. Any more attacks like that are going to start hurting though. Kalarion gives as good as he gets, putting in another massive swing. Gerey steps up to get a shot in as well.

Boontaker takes another stab, but even with improved (47%) hit chance, fails to land a blow. Maidenhaver joins the fight and smashes the Unhold across its jowl, dealing huge damage and Dazing it. Gerey gets another shot in. Everyone is starting to get nervous as the Unhold's turn approaches. Luckily Whiteshark lands both shots, bringing the Unhold to within a hair of death. It's all up to Fodder now:



A stroke of luck! Cogemeister lives with a permanent injury. A missing ear is one of the more benign afflictions to live with, giving a small malus to initiative. Nice!

There's not much loot, just a couple trophies. The Hexen did drop an emerald broach which will sell well in Riedland. Kalarion goes to collect our pay:


Harald: What the hell happened to Wenzel?! This is coming out of your pay, sellsword!
: <vicious snarl>
Harald: O-of course, the wife wouldn't let me behave so churlishly, hah hah! H-here's your pay, sir, it's all there.

With Abducted Children gone, trade goods might actually be profitable. Armor is also selling at a reasonable markup, only 30% or so. Kalarion holds off on further chainmail purchases for now. As Kalarion contemplates the Turtles' next move, he notices Cogemeister:


Kalarion decides on the fatherly approach.
: Son, you've got to stop acting like a little pussy. Keep all that **** bottled up inside and don't let anyone see it, ever. I guarantee it'll work, I do it myself!

It seems to work:


: <sniff> Y-yes sir. I will!

Business concluded, Kalarion decides to take on the Sonstedt contract. We need more nets, and Kalarion wants to see if any are available in the Southern city-states on the coast. This job will get us closer and pay us in the process.

Time to head back south.

[BlueMemphis]

Late to this lp so got reading to catch up on, but just to say i like the perk description table, as someone who sucks at bb it’s nice to get explanations for what perks are good for which situations and which kind of bros.

[maidenhaver]

The gun is good!

[1998]

Yay!!

[Hauberk]

The fraulein Braun part had me laughing! ...And things are getting serious it seems. The orc encounter was deadly, but the latter one would have turned into a slaughter had it not been for the wisdom of our dear leader. We're going to need a bigger boat some serious firepower going forward...

[WhiteShark]

"Truly, all things are vanity, and life is but a shadow and a dream: for in vain doth every one born of earth disquiet himself, as saith the Scriptures. When we have acquired the world, then we take up our dwelling in the grave, where kings and beggars are the same."