Junior Adventurer's Guild: January - Mass Effect

[J1M]

BioWare really ****** up when they came up with the "over 1000 years" alien lifespans.
It leads to ******** timeline ****, like the Volus getting an embassy 2500 ******* years prior to ME1. Meanwhile the humans get one 20 years prior, which is just 10 years after first contact. No wonder the little Volus jew at the embassy is so pissy (this is a very clever and subtle pun for the codex enjoyers, by the way).
And the Turians got a Council seat ~1500 years prior to ME1.

The thing that bugs me is that the Asari discovered Prothean tech at least 2500 years ago but their current tech isn't really all that more advanced than Turian or even human tech. Blah blah everyone's tech develops along the Reaper premediated tech tree but that initial advantage should have catapulted them so far ahead of the Volus, the Turians, or anyone else for that matter. The entire timescale is ******.

Semi-plausible explanations: sometimes science gets bottle-necked until the establishment dies off. So longer life span is a disadvantage there. Also implies fewer children and longer time to maturity.

Human tech isn't really human-only tech. They would have learned and adopted things their allies knew to quickly retrofit, just like the Normandy's drive and stealth systems.

Perhaps humans are not average at everything and curiousity is highest in humans.

[J1M]

BioWare really ****** up when they came up with the "over 1000 years" alien lifespans.
It leads to ******** timeline ****, like the Volus getting an embassy 2500 ******* years prior to ME1. Meanwhile the humans get one 20 years prior, which is just 10 years after first contact. No wonder the little Volus jew at the embassy is so pissy (this is a very clever and subtle pun for the codex enjoyers, by the way).
And the Turians got a Council seat ~1500 years prior to ME1.

The thing that bugs me is that the Asari discovered Prothean tech at least 2500 years ago but their current tech isn't really all that more advanced than Turian or even human tech. Blah blah everyone's tech develops along the Reaper premediated tech tree but that initial advantage should have catapulted them so far ahead of the Volus, the Turians, or anyone else for that matter. The entire timescale is ******.

Well, I personally hated the Asari Commandos. They were hyped up as super deadly... then they were just trash?

Too much tell, too little show. Disappointed.

Almost completely unrelated, I liked the Turian ships. They looked like whales to me. Very cute

Consider the source. I'm sure they were real terrors going up against the Volus and Elcor.

[logincrash]

I've only just got the Spectre status and I'm already 5 hours in.
The Citadel is an awesome locale. You could set an entire standalone game there. It's a hodgepodge of all the kewl sci-fi **** like the Halo rings and the Rendezvous with Rama ship.

The ambience is great. I love how dark the Citadel is. The twilight hours of the wards have this moody sci-fi noir feeling, contrasted sharply with the sleek and shiny Presidium.

► screenshots

I always liked this particular shot of the Relay monument.

Robotfuckers were already screeching about "institutionalized racism" in 2008. Also, "synthetic is more politically correct than artificial" is some real "people of color is better than colored people" ********.

Also, also, did you know you can put ™ into your filenames without Windows throwing a fit about it? You can probably put a whole bunch of Alt-codes in there.
I always liked ME's unlimited ammo explanation. The ammo isn't actually unlimited, it's just practically unlimited. In one of the ME fanfics I've read Shepard always carried a spare ammo block, since the attack on Elysium was so grueling that the "unlimited ammo" ran out.

Oh, and the music rocks.

[logincrash]

The thing that bugs me is that the Asari discovered Prothean tech at least 2500 years ago but their current tech isn't really all that more advanced than Turian or even human tech. Blah blah everyone's tech develops along the Reaper premediated tech tree but that initial advantage should have catapulted them so far ahead of the Volus, the Turians, or anyone else for that matter. The entire timescale is ******.

Well, I personally hated the Asari Commandos. They were hyped up as super deadly... then they were just trash?

Too much tell, too little show. Disappointed.

Almost completely unrelated, I liked the Turian ships. They looked like whales to me. Very cute

Consider the source. I'm sure they were real terrors going up against the Volus and Elcor.

You can kill a Volus by poking his suit with a needle. He will literally burst into giblets because of the pressure difference.
And the Elcor are just ******** elephants.

[wndrbr]

BioWare really ****** up when they came up with the "over 1000 years" alien lifespans.

they also kept changing their aging in the sequels. Either because they knew they ****** up, and wanted to retcon it in a subtle way, or because they just don't care about consistency of their own work, and it's all just 'turn your mind off' pulp fantasy to them.

In ME1 Liara says that she's 100 yrs old, and that she's very young - barely an adult. Then in ME2 we encounter a random asari-salarian couple, and the asari says she's 60 yrs old. Then Samara says that Morinth left home at the age of 40. In the shadow broker dlc, Liara complained how she spent whopping two years hunting down the Shadow Broker, as if it's not just a few weeks in asari metrics. Aria is implied to be like 1000 yrs old, and she acts like an edgy teenager.

They also act like these ancient ethereal know-it-all beings, and then you kill them by hundreds cuz apparently they like throwing their lives away by joining ****** mercenary groups. I can understand this behavior from the krogans because krogans are ******-*******, but the asari were supposed to be the elves of Mass Effect universe.

[rusty_shackleford]

You're telling me the foid race isn't particularly smart but everyone just tells them they are because they're attractive??
Wow

[wndrbr]

Imagine being a creature that can live up to a thousand years, and still having to work as a prostitute or a thug.

[Tangerine]

to work as a prostitute

They're "discovering themselves" for 50+ years.

[rusty_shackleford]

Imagine being a creature that can live up to a thousand years, and still having to work as a prostitute or a thug.

I'm curious if you're even aware that the Asari knew all along about the reapers, and purposely hid it from the other races?
They're the worst race by far.

[edit]
By "all along", iirc it's implied to be for centuries at least.

[logincrash]

In ME1 Liara says that she's 100 yrs old, and that she's very young - barely an adult. Then in ME2 we encounter a random asari-salarian couple, and the asari says she's 60 yrs old. Then Samara says that Morinth left home at the age of 40. In the shadow broker dlc, Liara complained how she spent whopping two years hunting down the Shadow Broker, as if it's not just a few weeks in asari metrics. Aria is implied to be like 1000 yrs old, and she acts like an edgy teenager.

Liara says in ME1 that she spent 20-50 years studying Protheans. Don't remember the exact number right now.
But, yes, none of the long-living species act like it. That's the reason why Frieren was so refreshing, especially with the "a few years is like a couple of days" perspective.

[wndrbr]

Liara says in ME1 that she spent 20-50 years studying Protheans.

it's like the equivalent of 6 yrs old boys being obsessed with dinosaurs.

[Valter]

Acta est fabula!

Final thoughts:

CHOICES
1. Killed the Rachni, hell no I don't believe you're going to just live and let live when we killed your entire species. Liara kinda threw a hissy fit but she's very scared of Shepard, he says pipe down and she goes yessir. She did the same thing when I sided with the Pro-Humanity rally, kinda funny.
2. Anderson on the council. Yeah Udina is supposed to be the human-focused choice or whatever, but I recall a line of his that felt really slimy, when Shepard was grounded on the Citadel and tried to refute the Council. Udina said something to the likes of "The Council needs ME, so sit down and be a good boy." with the must dismissive tone ever. This made me suspect that he benefits humanity to benefit himself, but if he gets in buddy buddy with the Council and the aliens in it he might brush away human interests if it garners him extra favor with his immediate peers or superiors. Very jewish behavior, not trustworthy.

OVERALL
Motherfucking Hackett I'm gonna start charging you for all these calls you interstellar beggar. Your saving grace is this ship looks hella cool, as do several environments in this game. Seriously, the Citadel and Noveria looked sick.
Equipment progression felt lame. You had the same weapons at the start as you did at the end, except with higher stats :////// The combat's nothing to write home about either, was only stuck a couple minutes on the first 3-krogans fight in Feros. But it served its purpose, and I really really felt cheap when companions used biotics. So stupid, just ragdoll everyone. Kinda fun to watch tho.
The lore is less impressive than I remember it. Age takes its toll I guess, but I remember the Turians being much cooler, but now I like the Asari and Salarians more.
Btw anyone that twists their jimmies over DA2's reused dungeons but pats this game on the back gets to sit in the corner
8/10 It has a mesmerizing world and lore, okay story and better individual sidequests, some really funny, with a serviceable enough combat to call it a game.

Also hell yeah, this game's got a banger credits track

[Norfleet]

it's like the equivalent of 6 yrs old boys being obsessed with dinosaurs.

Some of them never outgrow that, and become paleontologists.

[Demonic Fate]

They also act like these ancient ethereal know-it-all beings, and then you kill them by hundreds cuz apparently they like throwing their lives away by joining ****** mercenary groups. I can understand this behavior from the krogans because krogans are ******-*******, but the asari were supposed to be the elves of Mass Effect universe.

Agree with the overall point, but not a great comparison. In like 90% of video games featuring elves, they are also supposed to be rare impressive beings that live for hundreds of years, and yet they end up being just mooks that maybe move 10% faster and die by the dozen. So the asari are pretty much par for the course.

[logincrash]

You can't agree with Navigator Pressly about aliens. You can only scold him for being racist
So much for role-playing.

[Valter]

You can't agree with Navigator Pressly about aliens. You can only scold him for being racist
So much for role-playing.

Pretty sure you can stay neutral in some way. I managed to say something along the lines of "I understand your concern, BUT-" . It's as good as you get. ...Or was that with Ashley? Fuckin' hell

[logincrash]

You can't agree with Navigator Pressly about aliens. You can only scold him for being racist
So much for role-playing.

Pretty sure you can stay neutral in some way. I managed to say something along the lines of "I understand your concern, BUT-" . It's as good as you get. ...Or was that with Ashley? Fuckin' hell

Yeah, it is indeed the Ashley conversation. Interestingly enough, the Renegade options there just make Shepard go all hardass and outright call Ashley racist, while saying how the Council has a grudge against humanity. It comes off really schizophrenic. The Paragon options make Shepard go all diplomatic and analytical: "Those sound like deeply-held beliefs, Williams. What was your relationship with your parents like?"

But you can be real fuckin mean to Tali. She goes "*sigh* Oh, how I miss my home *sigh*" and Shepard can go "What the **** is wrong with you?"
She kinda deserves it, though, considering that she steals Normandy tech and gives it to her fleet along with the Geth info you get in the side quest.

[wndrbr]

You can't agree with Navigator Pressly about aliens. You can only scold him for being racist
So much for role-playing.

and then in ME2's Normandy site dlc Bioware turned him into a libtard with that goofy diary.

Entry 1: can't believe Shepard would hire aliens to serve in here, Normandy should be a humans-only ship.
...
Entry 2: i ******* love aliens, i'll sacrifice my life for them, i'll let my daughter marry a krogan, aliens are better than humans, i mean the exotic food alone!

[Oyster Sauce]

Space aliens aren't black people. You're allowed to like them.

[rusty_shackleford]

Space aliens aren't black people. You're allowed to like them.

But there's no reason to like anything but the Turians, the rest are useless

[Norfleet]

Space aliens aren't black people. You're allowed to like them.

Wouldn't they be worse due to being FILTHY XENOS?

[rusty_shackleford]

Space aliens aren't black people. You're allowed to like them.

But there's no reason to like anything but the Turians, the rest are useless

I'll give some leeway to the elephants and jellyfish I guess but any other 'major' race is completely useless at best or actively detrimental at worst

[wndrbr]

Space aliens aren't black people. You're allowed to like them.

But there's no reason to like anything but the Turians, the rest are useless

I'll give some leeway to the elephants and jellyfish I guess but any other 'major' race is completely useless at best or actively detrimental at worst

the human-frog assassin guy with tuberculosis was pretty cool. Too bad the backstory for his race was that they were ****-like pests who polluted their homeworld to death, and then as refugees flooded another planet where they became slaves.

[logincrash]

PSA: Do not waste omni-gel on repairing the Mako. Saving and then reloading the game restores all Mako HP.
On Feros, you can run up to the colonists and knock them down with melee if you run out of the Thorian gas grenades. This counts as not killing them for the Colonists Alive counter.

[rusty_shackleford]

PSA: Do not waste omni-gel on repairing the Mako. Saving and then reloading the game restores all Mako HP.

cheater

[Valter]

I like the quarians, they're just 3-fingered humans with ****** immune systems. And it's interesting to hear about all the **** they have to go through and rules to be adhered in order to keep their flotilla society functional.

[logincrash]

I like the quarians, they're just 3-fingered humans with ****** immune systems. And it's interesting to hear about all the **** they have to go through and rules to be adhered in order to keep their flotilla society functional.

They're thieving gypsies.

[Valter]

I like the quarians, they're just 3-fingered humans with ****** immune systems. And it's interesting to hear about all the **** they have to go through and rules to be adhered in order to keep their flotilla society functional.

They're thieving gypsies.

These are serious accusations which must be verified.

Let me be clear: Mass Effect 2 February.

[stormvermin]

I like the quarians, they're just 3-fingered humans with ****** immune systems. And it's interesting to hear about all the **** they have to go through and rules to be adhered in order to keep their flotilla society functional.

The Council doesn't want you to know this but planets in the Armstrong Nebula are free you can colonize them I've squatted 458 planets.

[rusty_shackleford]

I like the quarians, they're just 3-fingered humans with ****** immune systems. And it's interesting to hear about all the **** they have to go through and rules to be adhered in order to keep their flotilla society functional.

The Council doesn't want you to know this but planets in the Armstrong Nebula are free you can colonize them I've squatted 458 planets.

Mass Effect, like near most sci-fi that isn't in a book written by someone like Larry Niven, falls apart if you ask too many questions.