Episode I: Nice Crisp Piece of Meat
Immediately after starting a new game we're met with a serene Fable 1 esque cottage in the middle of the woods with the sun scorching our retinas and definitely nothing bad at all going to happen as we talk to our vaguely simian looking father.
We're off to a very bad start because we've already failed to find *something* so that's one failure under our belt. We have to go help our suspiciously absent mother and sister in the kitchen where our human-ape hybrid father begins to gas light us about killing our family.
I guess he's just hangry because he starts sperging out about elk meat (combined with the appearance I guess our father is Joe Rogan in this universe) and we finally wake up out of this obvious dream sequence just in time for a quick recap cutscene because no one played Nehrim.
Hmm, Narathzul Aranthael is looking a little different in this opening but I can't put my finger on it
They would get points for copying Morrowind's opening if they didn't have about 10 minutes of preamble first.
Our fellow stowaway asks if we blame ourselves for our entire family being killed while we're a toddler (?) and then asks us what our racial background is which becomes very funny when we pick the only race in the game with elf ears and he acts surprised by this revelation that we are Half-Aeterna.
For Nehrim, the Half-Aeterna race opted to use a very popular Oblivion mod from back in the day called ren's beauty pack and their "mystic elf" race. This resulted in them looking like deranged anime people with scenegirl hairstyles but that was sort of charming and gave it it's own bit of flair in a game that uses so many assets from an existing game. Enderal however uh, doesn't do that.
Obviously I'm not going to be able to live with this horrible leathery **** skinned abomination especially considering what my prior impression of these elves are from Nehrim. I've downloaded a few mods and spent an unhealthy amount of time trying to sculpt an avatar that will look slightly less like a horrible flesh homonculus
This is Verzul, the Half-Aeterna (and going off the intro half monkey) who I will be playing as
Our touching introduction about how much we're detestable poorfags is interrupted by
@Red7 reminiscing on the good old days when you could just rape a *****. Obviously being freeloaders we decide the best course of actions is to beat the **** out of these old sailors. Verzul suggests we murder these dockworkers in cold blood (plus, they gave majorrrr creepy incel vibes yuck!) so we don't have to worry about them waking up which Sirius doesn't appreciate.
Unfortunately for Sirius while trying to find **** to tie them up
Kreia a mysterious old woman shows up to troll him by saying he's irrelevant and knocks us out probably causing horrible brain damage.
I'm really worried about that message in the top left. I guess this game will have companion approval mechanics and I don't want to **** up my relationship with him!

Oh.
I deathly afraid of deep water in these games so being strapped to a dead **** and thrown into the sea is less than ideal! Even worse Verzul is having really horrible dreams due to getting his ******* head slammed into the door frame with the force.
Next Up: We'll figure out how the hell Enderal handles Skyrim's classless leveling system and whether Verzul's adventure will end at the bottom of the ocean before it even begins.
I'm just stating the facts.
Question is are you going to gargle the truth or swallow?