Nintendo Fans Get *** Raped and Thank Nintendo for the Privilege

[rusty_shackleford]

No platformer was ever good. It's a proto genre like adventure games that existed as stepping stones to real genres.
The only reason they're still made is because the simplicity of them appeals to normal 3 year olds and 28 year old reddit moderators.

Anyone disagreeing with this is a reddit moderator btw

[Tweed]

There's nothing to understand about Nintendo beyond the 16-bit era anyway. From N64 onward it's mostly ****. The last system I owned was the Wii and that was nearly all 3rd party games and a jailbroken system for emulation. Same deal with the handhelds, jailbroken and flashcarted for 3rd party games, almost nothing made by Nintendo themselves except Metroid.

[Val the Moofia Boss]

And yeah, I really don’t like what they did with the Xeno series. Sure, they saved Monolith, but like… at what cost? Forget about any hope for Xenogears or Xenosaga remasters now—we’re just stuck with this mess of a lore, childish writing from the Blade games... sigh

Blade has good aesthetics (both environments, doodads, monsters, character designs, etc), music, and interesting setting. Story is a mixed bag but way better than your average JRPG. Definitely up there in the top JRPGs overall. The big issue is the MMO combat and mediocre sidequests. The only Nintendo exclusive worth paying attention to.

[Unhelpful Contrarian]

Nintendo games aren’t even that good. It’s just the same stuff over and over again until you’re sick of it.

I liked the first Pokemon when I was 8, but they never bothered to make the ultimate Pokemon MMO that literally every gamer has been dreaming of their whole life.

Mario games were already kinda boring when I was a kid, and now they’re even worse—except for Mario Kart, but even those all feel the same.

I’ve never liked Zelda. The gameplay feels clunky, the story and writing are basically non-existent, and the lore is just super generic and dull. Honestly, most JRPGs are way more interesting than Zelda.

Metroid is amazing, but we only get a new game when Nintendo randomly remembers it exists.

And yeah, I really don’t like what they did with the Xeno series. Sure, they saved Monolith, but like… at what cost? Forget about any hope for Xenogears or Xenosaga remasters now—we’re just stuck with this mess of a lore, childish writing from the Blade games... sigh

Nintendo are stale & formulaic, because they only change or improve a few things between each iteration.
In some ways, this is good for delivering a very consistent product to children of each generation, and it's worked to build up their IPs.
Doesn't matter if the gameplay sucks and they're generally overrated, when everyone knows those characters. Even people who don't play any videogames.
Each Nintendo IP is also distinct from the other, in gameplay & visuals, covering a selection, instead of being thematically amorphous.

The Japs have an issue with taking risks & trying things outside of the box. Koreans and Chinese less so.
It's probably to do with their culture, with how big companies are run.
In any case, they'll only stop doing that when it ceases to make them money.

In some ways I have to respect that. Don’t fix that’s not broken, however I have since moved on from Nintendo ( really all Japanese games) with that same winning formula.

[Faceless_Sentinel]

Japan was way ahead of anyone else when it comes to gay race communism in videogames

Indeed. Unfortunately, Nintendo has been at this for a long time now. They were willing to acknowledge gay couples as legitimate marriages despite the official laws of Japan as far back as March 2021.
[https://www.nintendolife.com/news/2022/ ... panese-law] They were also one of the first major Japanese companies that went out of their way to follow ESG/DEI regulations which is why they were so keen on displaying their allegiance to globalism and woke ideology since around 2016. [https://careers.nintendo.com/diversity- ... inclusion/] Which is why their games suddenly had a lot more diversity (Pikmin 4, Pokemon, Xenoblade 3, etc.) as well as replacing sex with body types in their character creators. (Splatoon, Switch Sports, Animal Crossing, etc.) Nintendo Treehouse has also been even more aggressive about censoring dialogue/cutscenes after these events happened. (Keep in mind, they already had a long history of censorship before 2016.)

[J1M]

There's nothing to understand about Nintendo beyond the 16-bit era anyway. From N64 onward it's mostly ****. The last system I owned was the Wii and that was nearly all 3rd party games and a jailbroken system for emulation. Same deal with the handhelds, jailbroken and flashcarted for 3rd party games, almost nothing made by Nintendo themselves except Metroid.

Zelda 64
Smash Bros
Goldeneye 007
Metroid Prime

Maybe quality has degraded in sequels but these were instant classics.

[KOS-MOS]

Nintendo games aren’t even that good. It’s just the same stuff over and over again until you’re sick of it.

I liked the first Pokemon when I was 8, but they never bothered to make the ultimate Pokemon MMO that literally every gamer has been dreaming of their whole life.

Mario games were already kinda boring when I was a kid, and now they’re even worse—except for Mario Kart, but even those all feel the same.

I’ve never liked Zelda. The gameplay feels clunky, the story and writing are basically non-existent, and the lore is just super generic and dull. Honestly, most JRPGs are way more interesting than Zelda.

Metroid is amazing, but we only get a new game when Nintendo randomly remembers it exists.

And yeah, I really don’t like what they did with the Xeno series. Sure, they saved Monolith, but like… at what cost? Forget about any hope for Xenogears or Xenosaga remasters now—we’re just stuck with this mess of a lore, childish writing from the Blade games... sigh

Nintendo are stale & formulaic, because they only change or improve a few things between each iteration.
In some ways, this is good for delivering a very consistent product to children of each generation, and it's worked to build up their IPs.
Doesn't matter if the gameplay sucks and they're generally overrated, when everyone knows those characters. Even people who don't play any videogames.
Each Nintendo IP is also distinct from the other, in gameplay & visuals, covering a selection, instead of being thematically amorphous.

The Japs have an issue with taking risks & trying things outside of the box. Koreans and Chinese less so.
It's probably to do with their culture, with how big companies are run.
In any case, they'll only stop doing that when it ceases to make them money.

I would never blame kids for enjoying Nintendo products—they're the main target, after all, and they don’t have any critical judgment yet, which is fair.

The issue arises when grown-*** men defend these turds as if they were the next Beethoven masterpiece. That’s what’s truly concerning about their mental state.

Nintendo shouldn't even have the level of influence it has today. Their games are nothing more than copies of copies with random quality.

Once again, for kids, that's perfectly fine—but for millions of adults, it's just absurd.

I don't even blame Nintendo—if millions of ******** people are willing to pay for yet another overpriced copy of the same old games, then fine. Why would they change the formula? This is easy money.

But their games are garbage that should never have the level of popularity they do.

[KOS-MOS]

And yeah, I really don’t like what they did with the Xeno series. Sure, they saved Monolith, but like… at what cost? Forget about any hope for Xenogears or Xenosaga remasters now—we’re just stuck with this mess of a lore, childish writing from the Blade games... sigh

Blade has good aesthetics (both environments, doodads, monsters, character designs, etc), music, and interesting setting. Story is a mixed bag but way better than your average JRPG. Definitely up there in the top JRPGs overall. The big issue is the MMO combat and mediocre sidequests. The only Nintendo exclusive worth paying attention to.

The aesthetics range from ridiculous to excellent (as always with Monolith—that never changes. They're capable of both the worst and the best within a single game).

The music will never match that of Gears and Saga.

The story, but especially the lore, is a complete mess. The fact that the competition isn't always better doesn't change that.

It's nowhere near the top JRPGs overall—nowhere close. For a kid discovering JRPGs, sure. But for an experienced player? Not at all.

[Marcus]

No platformer was ever good. It's a proto genre like adventure games that existed as stepping stones to real genres.
The only reason they're still made is because the simplicity of them appeals to normal 3 year olds and 28 year old reddit moderators.

Could you provide a chart depicting which proto-genres developed into which real genres?

[rusty_shackleford]

No platformer was ever good. It's a proto genre like adventure games that existed as stepping stones to real genres.
The only reason they're still made is because the simplicity of them appeals to normal 3 year olds and 28 year old reddit moderators.

Could you provide a chart depicting which proto-genres developed into which real genres?

The only real genre is RPG, everything else is a stepping stone towards the RPG borg.
All genres will be assimilated.

[KnightoftheWind]

Nintendo games are the only ones that still FEEL like video games. A lot of that NES/SNES-era game design is still strong, even in their newer titles. Whereas Sony and Microsoft abandoned that ethos decades ago, in favor of heavily scripted cinematic slop. You'll never see "Kingdom Come Deliverance II"-style demoralization from a Nintendo product, at least not yet. They are still focused on fun, casual gameplay. And their cartoony style is more akin to something like Looney Tunes than Fortnite, and for that reason it ages better.

[KOS-MOS]

Nintendo games are the only ones that still FEEL like video games. A lot of that NES/SNES-era game design is still strong, even in their newer titles. Whereas Sony and Microsoft abandoned that ethos decades ago, in favor of heavily scripted cinematic slop. You'll never see "Kingdom Come Deliverance II"-style demoralization from a Nintendo product, at least not yet. They are still focused on fun, casual gameplay. And their cartoony style is more akin to something like Looney Tunes than Fortnite, and for that reason it ages better.

"the only ones"?

Are you pretending that outside of nintendo games everything is a sony walking simulator?

[KnightoftheWind]

In the AAA scene, yes. The AA scene has a lot more variety of course, as do indies. But they don't have the same level of polish and fill a different niche. I don't think "New Super Lucky's Tale" holds a candle to any 3D Mario.

[KOS-MOS]

Oh right, I forgot that normies only value the Ax "games" nowadays

[maidenhaver]

Vidya will die the final death. It'll be a niche like board gaming, and women and plebs will migrate to pseudo reality types of stuff.

[rusty_shackleford]

Nintendo games are the only ones that still FEEL like video games. A lot of that NES/SNES-era game design is still strong, even in their newer titles. Whereas Sony and Microsoft abandoned that ethos decades ago, in favor of heavily scripted cinematic slop. You'll never see "Kingdom Come Deliverance II"-style demoralization from a Nintendo product, at least not yet. They are still focused on fun, casual gameplay. And their cartoony style is more akin to something like Looney Tunes than Fortnite, and for that reason it ages better.

"the only ones"?

Are you pretending that outside of nintendo games everything is a sony walking simulator?

Ironically, snoy's platformer is considered to be one of the better ones made in years.
nintendies wouldn't know this as they only play nintendo games

[sheet]

Remember that Nintendo recently got in talks with Denuvo, so expect their already gimped hardware to have plenty of stuttering issues.

Also the "physical" games for Switch 2 are just download keys anyway. Nintendo fans will just be paying $10 for the sensation of inserting a cartridge into the slot, not actually playing off of it.

Discord-like voice chat features removed after 9 months unless you paypig is also pretty funny.

The toggle between "This is greedy and abusing your customer base" to "Nintendo buyers get what they deserve" flipped a long time ago.

[KOS-MOS]

Nintendo games are the only ones that still FEEL like video games. A lot of that NES/SNES-era game design is still strong, even in their newer titles. Whereas Sony and Microsoft abandoned that ethos decades ago, in favor of heavily scripted cinematic slop. You'll never see "Kingdom Come Deliverance II"-style demoralization from a Nintendo product, at least not yet. They are still focused on fun, casual gameplay. And their cartoony style is more akin to something like Looney Tunes than Fortnite, and for that reason it ages better.

"the only ones"?

Are you pretending that outside of nintendo games everything is a sony walking simulator?

Ironically, snoy's platformer is considered to be one of the better ones made in years.
nintendies wouldn't know this as they only play nintendo games

The game looked good, but I haven’t played it since I don’t own the console, so I can’t really judge.

That said, I’ve seen way too many pointless debates about whether it plagiarized Mario or not to have the energy to discuss about it.

[Humbaba]

Whatever the case may be, Neentendo is currently the one company making significant developments in progressing physics in video games, see Tears of the Zelda and that new ***** Dong game that's coming out.

[Faceless_Sentinel]

Whatever the case may be, Neentendo is currently the one company making significant developments in progressing physics in video games, see Tears of the Zelda and that new ***** Dong game that's coming out.

No no no! Not you! Why did you fail me so hard! How can you mistake ****** scripts with physics simulation!

[Humbaba]

No no no! Not you! Why did you fail me so hard! How can you mistake ****** scripts with physics simulation!

Full discloser, I don't own a switch, have never played any of those games and know nothing about programming or virtual simulation of physics. Unlike with other topics, do not automatically assume that my take is correct.

[Vergil]

Nintendo games are the only ones that still FEEL like video games.

[traxtan]

Do not automatically assume that my take is correct.

Number one: attack, attack, attack.
Number two: admit nothing, deny everything.
Number three: always claim victory, never admit defeat.

[KnightoftheWind]

Nintendo games are the only ones that still FEEL like video games.

There is more REAL gameplay in Nintendo games than there are in 90% of RPGs. Where all you do is FedEx a quest item from one destination to the other.

[Vergil]

Nintendo games are the only ones that still FEEL like video games.

There is more REAL gameplay in Nintendo games than there are in 90% of RPGs. Where all you do is FedEx a quest item from one destination to the other.

There's more gayplay in your *** than there are in 90% of gay bars.

[traxtan]

Nintendo gameplay

stock-photo-cube-prism-and-cylinder-wooden-blocks-in-front-of-holes-d-illustration-453147397.jpg

[Vergil]

Nintendo gameplay

Fed ex chuds... we... lost?

[Roguey]

Tendy games are big budget but feel like they were created 20 years ago unlike other big budget games now that are full of cutscenes, fully-voiced dialogue, and graphix.

[sheet]

$450?
Nintendo already backpedaling by delaying pre-orders because of "tariffs". Who wants to bet it goes up another 50?

[Tangerine]

Tendy games are big budget but feel like they were created 20 years ago unlike other big budget games now that are full of cutscenes, fully-voiced dialogue, and graphix.

You're making a very good case for Nintendo.