Battle Brothers LP - Slayin' With the Boys

[asf]

this will be fun, even though battle bros sucks

go lone wolf for more amusing situations

[Hauberk]

Legends: Since I haven't seen 42 days(!) of the original game I'd like the unmodified experience.

Origin: Lone Wolf. Everyone knows that the best campaigns start out in the dark corner of an inn, where a mysterious stranger proceeds to hire the local nutjobs.

Name: Company of the Turtle (as historical free companies had similar names). We could probably do better though.

Crisis: Nobles at War.

Banner: The sun and gauntlet one looks suitable.

[Eyestabber]

I want to be a frontline 2H Sword user wearing heavy armor. I'll be your top fragger until I die an unlucky death due to sheer bullshit, as in BB tradition.

EDIT: like so:

[maidenhaver]

Are you playing with perma town destruction?

[Irenaeus]

Are you playing with perma town destruction?

FIXED SCENARIO ATTRIBUTES
- Permanent Destruction disabled: with permanent destruction, cities and towns can be wiped off the map, never to return. Small bad decisions could find us quickly hemmed into a tiny portion of the world. Again, maybe on a future playthrough.

He isn't, because it could fuck up the map, it seems.

[Kalarion]

Are you playing with perma town destruction?

I'm open to doing it on a subsequent playthrough/LP, but previous experience tells me that the AI simply cannot properly protect its territory, especially during crises. We'll lose everything but the towns on whatever circuit I happen to run within 90 days, unless I do an exceptional job of patrolling the entire world (very difficult, I've never succeeded). On its own that sounds somewhat suckish but bearable, but keep in mind that lost towns may have entirely unique and necessary setups. For instance, we may lose our only source of quality archer recruits. Or our only Blast Furnace (this actually happened to me). Something like that would greatly hamper an LP, or drive it into an early grave.

So, not this time.

[maidenhaver]

Undead might be the best choice for first, crisis scenario, because from what I remember, it stayed mostly confined to the wilderness, giving you time to grind your hirlings. If there's no perma destruction, then maybe that won't matter.

[Nemesis]

@Kalarion Put me down as a sword-and-shield guy. No need for nimbleness.

[Kalarion]

OK, I think we've got enough people to start the run. I'll go ahead and get everything setup tonight. I'll be taking Lone Wolf origin, the gauntlet banner and a random crisis. I need to do some seed research for a good map, but I will hopefully have the first post on the LP proper up tonight as well.

[Kalarion]

BEGINNINGS: In which Kalarion the Lone Wolf Forms the Brothers of the Turtle

Our tale begins...


This map seed allows for a fairly smooth world traversal, with plenty of opportunities to pick up cheap trade goods along the way. High funds means starting with 1,250 gold (normally it would be more but Lone Wolf has a penalty to starting funds apparently).

We meet Kalarion the Lone Wolf, sometime Hedge Knight and down on his luck jouster...


: enough of dancing for these lordlings' pleasure! It's time to pick up some scrubs, whip them into shape and run a mob an outfit for the ages! I'll have to come up with a name for my company, but I can get to that later.

Kalarion sets out alone towards the city of Salzfels, not far to the northeast


: time to get started. Let's see what we have here...

So, here's the town screen. We're going to be getting very comfortable with this screen throughout the game. In the upper left corner are any contracts on offer in the town. Brown banners are town contracts, offered by the mayor. Banners in the colors of a noble house represent that house's contracts, offered by one of its rulers. We won't be seeing those for awhile. Each contract has skulls on it, giving a general gauge of the contract's difficulty relative to our party and the payout.

The upper right shows icons representing current conditions in the town, good or bad. Salzfels is currently suffering from Ambushed Trade Routes, which skyrockets buying and selling prices in town, and lowers the amount of available goods. As a general rule, we want to sell our goods in a town with ambushed trade routes, and we want to buy in small towns without ambushed routes.

The rest of the screen is taken up by available buildings. Each town always has a central market, where food items, tools (for repairing equipment), ammunition, medicine and various low-level goods can be bought and sold. Prices vary depending on a number of factors, primarily the size and function of the city and its conditions. Each town also always has a square where men are available for hire. The number and backgrounds of the men available for hire once again depend on town size, location, function and conditions. Salzfels is in the mountains and has a gem mine and salt mine, for instance, so it can be expected to have various peasant backgrounds and a couple miners for hire.

On this screen we can see that Salzfels has an Armorer (sells random high-level armor), a tavern (give the men a drink to raise mood, or pay for a round for the tavern for a chance at dungeon tipoffs), and a barber (change bros' appearances).

Towns refresh their conditions (if applicable), goods, men for hire and contracts every three ingame days.

After checking out the goods on sale in the market, Kalarion heads over to the town square to pick up some rubes maroons morons with a deathwish brave men for the new outfit.

: Let's see what we've got here...

Here's the hiring screen, where I'm going to be picking up the bulk of my recruits. On the left side we have the list of available hires. We can see a token for each bro, giving an idea of his equipment.

To the right of the bro's original name is a small icon representing background. There are several dozen backgrounds in the game. Each comes with its own set of stat ranges and available interactions, and each background has its own list of available traits (good and bad). As a general rule, the higher-class the background, the better a bro's starting stats and the better he'll be as a mercenary, even if he doesn't have talent stars in the right places (more on that later). Very high background bros (Sellswords, Hedge Knights, Swordmasters) have such good starting stats that they'll usually be powerhouses no matter what (as long as they live).

Just below each bro's name is an icon with a ?, representing the bro's traits. You can use the Try out option to pay a small price to see traits beforehand. Otherwise you'll discover them after hiring. Next to traits is the hiring cost for the bro, dependent on background, the number of levels the bro comes with and the equipment he brings to the band (note the enormous price for Gunnar the Oathtaker). Finally there's the bro's salary, paid daily at midday. Salary depends again on background and starting level. Bros gain additional salary with each level up. Peasant background bros might expect to reach 50 gold per day or so. The top backgrounds might cost 200+ at max level.

After looking through the list, I quickly hire the Servant, Farmer, Gambler and one Miner. Let's see what we came up with...


Here's the character management and inventory screen. On the left side is our bro. The top section shows his name, character token, experience and level. Below that are his equipment slots: head, accessory slot, ammunition, left/right hands, body, and two bag slots (for spare equipment). Below equipment are the bro's background, traits and (when equipped) the weapon skills available with descriptions. Finally, at the bottom are our bro's stats, with talent stars. Talent stars are assigned entirely randomly as far as I can tell. They represent growth potential in a given stat, with 3 stars being the best. Stats are, from top to bottom - left to right:

Head armor points	Melee Skill
Body armor points	Ranged Skill
HP	Melee Defense
AP	Ranged Defense
Fatigue	Damage
Mood	Armor Penetration
Morale	Critical (head hit) Chance
Inititative	Vision Range

Talent stars have varying growth effects depending on stat. The best way to think of growth and talent stars is by considering melee/ranged skill and defense. If they are increased on every level that gives a +2 or better roll, you can expect that stat to gain +20 points by the time your bro hits the soft cap of level 11. So, a melee skill of 50 can expect to reach 70 by level 11, on average. Each talent star increases the average by 5 points. So, @Oyster Sauce here can expect to hit 80 or so melee skill (decent, and outstanding for a peasant background, but not amazing) by level 11. His melee defense can be expected to be about 37 or so (absolutely incredible for his background, pretty damn good for anyone). And so forth.

I try to develop my bros with certain minimums in mind:
at least 80 in the appropriate attacking skill
at least 120 fatigue
at least 70 HP
at least 50 morale (at least 100 morale for the company sergeant)
at leave 120 initiative for certain builds

Next to the character data we have the shared inventory screen on top, with the current lineup of our bros on bottom. The tent icons represent bros in reserve. They won't fight in battles. Practically speaking we won't be making much use of the reserves since we'll be limited to twelve total bros at a time (as opposed to the normal limit of 20).

At the very top we can switch between displaying the party inventory and the selected bro's perks.

Oystersauce turns out to be a pretty good initial hire. He'll have decent melee skill and excellent melee defense. His fatigue and morale are a little low (keep in mind we want about 120 for him to do well in the late game or in heavy armor), but we should be able to reach the minimums with a little sacrifice. I'm very happy.

Always assuming he lives long enough to be useful of course

Next up, @OnTilt: first available


Not great, but not bad. Melee will cap out around 75 and we won't have to dump much into morale to get it to my required level, thanks to talent stars. Good polearm candidate (polearms come with a nice bonus to hit).

Next, @Boontaker: "a halbardier or a support/leadership unit."
We did a little skip here, because...


Look at that excellent morale! Over 50 AND 2 talent stars, a very nice candidate for a sergeant (we'll talk more about this later). Melee skill is going to be aggressively mediocre, but that's alright because the sergeant isn't expected to do much damage anyways and the company banner counts as a polearm. Nice!

: alright boys, names and occupations, spit 'em out.
: SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT sir! I's a HOUSE-nigguh servant! You want your dinner out hot you come see me! I been PRACTICIN' wit my kitchen knife, got two confirmed kills shankin' bitches!
: ...oh god
: f-f-farmer sir. I heard about Mr. Anselm the Younger, I wanna be just like him!
: we'll see about that...
: Boontaker, best card-shark in this ratfuck podunk town. I'm going places, everyone's going to know my name, mark my words sir. I'm going to make this company shine!
: ...I might have a use for you.

I take the time to buy some very basic equipment, including picking up a pitchfork for Boontaker (he's going to get veeeeeeeeeery comfy with polearms) and a straw hat for Oystersauce and some very shitty body armor for everyone. Then (with a weaponless Oystersauce), we go to pick up our first contract:


From here we can do a little negotiating on the payout. The usual options are overall increased pay, increased pay up front, or increased pay on completion. I generally ask for increased overall pay one time, and then accept the contract. It's possible to try multiple negotiation rounds, but doing so risks the offer being withdrawn completely in anger. If anyone knows a way to increase the contract payout more in general, as compared to my method, I'm all ears. I don't fully understand negotiation mechanics either.

This contract asks us to clear out a thieves' den south through the mountains, then return to town:


We head over the mountains, and I suddenly remember that I have bonus levels since I'm a Hedge Knight:


Here's where levelling happens. On each level up, random rolls for each improvable stat are generated. You get to increase three stats of your choice.

Each stat has its own range, but they're generally from either 1-3 or 2-4. Talent stars add a bonus to the base random increase, and 3 talent stars make it possible to get slightly more than the normal maximum increase. So, 3 stars in melee skill occasionally offers a +4 on level up.

In my case I get an incredible +3 to melee skill, +3 melee defense and +FOUR (4!) to ranged defense on all three of my levels! I take them without thinking twice, ending up with 70 melee skill, 16 (!) melee defense and 16 (!!!) ranged defense. At some point I'll need to work on my fatigue and dump a level or two each into HP and morale, but for now these rolls are too good to pass up.

Each level also grants one perk. Perks are displayed on lines, with each line representing a minimum level to pick them. So, the first line has no minimum level, the second requires level 3 and so forth. I pick up Student (+20% xp, +1 perk on hitting the soft level cap), Pathfinder (reduces the AP and fatigue cost for difficult terrain and for changing height, very useful in all situations imo) and Brawny (reduces the fatigue penalty for equipment, mandatory for wearing heavy armor and using large weapons/shields).

Levelling complete, we move into combat:


This is the scouting report. If you've successfully scouted, it will give you an idea of the number and composition of your enemies. Here we see this is only "Some" (4-6) Brigand Thugs (one of the weakest enemies in the game).

: Alright men! Time to take the hill!

: HAH! Just kidding, get your asses over to the hill on the right. We've got all the time in the world, let them come to us.

Here's the battle screen. We can see the tokens for each visible combatant. The map is hex-tiled. In the upper left is the combat log (it looks like an unfurled scroll in-game). In the top middle we can see our total fighters (the blue banner), the round number, and the enemy's forces (skull on red). At the bottom are some quick data on the current character, and the action queue. You can see that we're facing a rather steep hill that limits visibility, but thankfully we're also next to one. We'll take the hill next to us and wait for the Thugs to come to us.

As the first round ends and we get some height (with increased visibility), we see what we're up against:


All in all, not too bad. We're slightly outnumbered, and that lumberjack with the huge axe is a potential threat (two handed axes do enormous damage on hits and frequently one-shot characters at the start of the game), but I'm confident Kalarion can dodge most of those attacks, and with his massive armor he can probably tank one or two hits before he really starts to feel it.

As our forces collide, Boontaker quickly proves his worth with a vicious headshot that one-shots a Thug:


: YAAAAAH! Take that!

The Thugs foolishly move to surround Kalarion. They're just putting themselves in range of his massive sword. He uses a Sweep attack (hits 3 tiles counter-clockwise), and lands a massive hit. Meanwhile Oystersauce is now threatened by the lumberjack:


: MASSA MASSA MASSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Lumberjack: SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-EEEEEEE BOI! C'mere!

Boontaker deftly headshots another Thug, punching his pitchfork right over Kalarion's shoulder!


OnTilt swings wildly and lands a glancing blow against his Thug. Meanwhile, Oystersauce runs up and pretends to help, doing absolutely fuck-all. The cleaver Thug swipe Boontaker. My lads are now in a very precarious position, with the lumberjack threatening Oystersauce and Boontaker. Kalarion meanwhile casually beheads the spearchucker Thug:


Causing the other thugs to hemorrhage morale.

The next round, Boontaker scores a third headshot in a row on the lumberjack! Needless to say the lumberjack is almost ready to run for the hills and significantly less of a threat (lowered morale lowers all combat stats). The Thug Oystersauce and OnTilt were fighting is now fleeing (note the fully unfurled white flag). Things are looking up!

Finally, I casually walk up to mr. Cleaver Thug, causing all remaining combatants to be in full rout:


: Hello BOYS! C'MERE!

Thugs: AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

After that it's all over but the crying. We mop up the runners and check out the loot:


Nice! Food, a good chunk of gold, some tools, and that armor is actually pretty decent, with 70 points of durability. The dagger will be nice later too (for hunting high-quality armor). Oystersauce gets the shiny new armor and a spear, and Kalarion gets the dagger in one of his hand bag slots.

Payday! Time to head back to town.


Note the town "healing" the Ambushed Trade Routes condition.

: alright lads. You've survived your first fight, congratulations. Now you get a real name. But don't be fooled. You're just interchangeable units to me. All you are is a position in the line of battle. Now let's see...


: Oystersauce, you'll be a macebro.
: AWWWWW YEEEEEEE! Das hammer no hammer yes hammer go hammer...!
: Mace, I said MACE! Sweet Anselm you are a fucking RETARD, I'd better see some use out of you or I'll gut you myself!
: ...oh. Well I's pretty good at the knockout game too massa!
: ...why me


: Boontaker, you'll be carrying our banner into battle. You said you were going to make this company shine, you can start with that. Fly it proudly!
: ...t-the pitchfork? Um... okk I guess...
: NO! You'll have the banner when we get one! For fuck's sake, I'm surrounded by morons!
: <grumbles> well why'd he SAY that then...


: OnTilt, I um. Look. You um. You did something in the fight, I'm sure of it. Here's the thing, if you want to be like Anselm you're going to need all the help you can get. I'll give you a polearm once we find one.
: <beaming with pride> yes SIR! For Anselm!
: <glares angrily>
: for KALARION! Ahem

We sell off some junk and head over to check out the other contract (the 2-star).

: a caravan escort? Paid per head?! I don't know about this...


:But Sweet Anselm look at that payout! Gold gold gold gold GOLD...!

Caravan escorts are a mixed bag. On the one hand, they usually pay pretty well, sometimes you get money for nothing, and they feed your bros while you're on the trail. On the other hand you can't dodge fights, running loses you the contract, and there are a number of nasty potential events that can trigger. At this level they're very risky for us. But that GOLD...

I want some time to think about this. I leave town with the contract available but not taken, and immediately...


Our first ambition choice! We can pick either one. Fulfilling an ambition gives a big Renown boost (used for negotiation, and unlocking higher-level contracts), and some ambitions give other, unique rewards. I choose the "We need allies..." ambition for now, because getting a small town to Friendly is something I'm going to want to do ASAP anyways. I'll also be taking at least two other ambitions without player input later on. The rest, we'll see. One problem with leaving ambitions up to vote is that they freeze the game and you can't delay your choice. So if one pops up and I have to wait on a vote, the playthrough is effectively over until we've decided.

I don't know what to do about this, but right now it's not a problem. Hopefully we can work something out later.

For now, I head back into town. Kalarion's mind is made up. But first things first, he picks up one more hired man, one of the Miners:
@WhiteShark: first available


: Name and occupation!
: <coughing up mine dust> W-whiteshark sir. I'm pretty good with a pick, brained a man once for insulting Young Anselm.
: Oooooh, I like that. Welcome aboard!

Look at that loadout! Probably low 80s melee skill, a star in fatigue (sorely needed, miner fatigue sucks ass), and two stars in Morale mean I'll only need to drop 1 or 2 levels into it. Nice!

After a lot of hem-hawing and some quick maffs, I finally decide to pick up the final Miner:
@gerey: "ugliest bro you can get your hands on."


: And you are...?
: <hacking up wads of dirt-laced phlegm> Gerey, mein Herr!
: Gerry, Miner? I know you're a miner, what's your name?
: ...m-mein Herr, meine name sind Gerey.
: ...what?
: Gerey, ich heisse Gerey! Oh for fuck's sake, my name is GEREY!
: bout time. Sweet heavens I'm leading a bunch of retards.

Gerey's pretty average. I'll probably make him a polearm bro or something. I also need to remember to take him to the barber, a couple snips with the scissors should shit his face up nicely

That taken care of, I pull the trigger and take the escort contract, even though my instincts are screaming at me not to. But damn that's a lot of gold, and I need the reputation with the town since I plan on using it to buy trade goods. That's what I tell myself anyways.



Not pictured: our destination. It's a LONG way off. We are so fucked.

Suddenly, just outside of Waidhof:


Oh god oh god oh shit oh god oh shit oh FUCK oh SHIT


Let me tell you about Goblins. They're sneaky, tiny little fuckers that come in three flavors: annoying, incredibly annoying, and smash the monitor enraging. Their weakness is low fatigue and morale, and extremely low HP. 2-handed weapons can one-shot them most of the time.

Goblin Ambushers are archers. They're highly accurate and poison their arrows. They also make good use of other goblins as cover. If that wasn't enough, all ambushers immediately switch to daggers when rushed in melee and try to Puncture (a special attack that damages HP directly, completely ignoring armor). They don't have a great to-hit chance with it but just one Puncture can be devastating, and multiple punctures can take a fully healthy, confident bro down to crippled, extremely low HP and routing.

Goblin Skirmishers are weak melee troops. But they also come with spiked bolas. They'll park themselves just outside melee rushing range and pepper you with shot. They can also have nets. They use them.

There are other goblins that are even worse. I HATE goblins.

: I HATE goblins!


As you can see the caravan comes with some extra guards. They're almost always useless in a fight, because they prioritize staying near the donkeys above everything else. I've decided in this case that I'm going to take advantage of that and use them as cover.

: back up boys! This is trouble. Be ready to charge on my call, and pray to Anselm you strike true!

This is how it's looking at the start of the second round:


Note how they casually took the high ground and started plunking us with spiked bolas. I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE goblins.

Normally the solution to a small gobbo party like this is to charge into melee as fast as possible and rape them with 2-hand swings. Unfortunately we have (1) shit armor, (2) shit melee skill (for now) and (3) are facing monsters with decent melee and ranged skill. Even so I don't see any other way to win this fight.

In other circumstances I'd consider abandoning the caravan and eating the contract and reputation hit. We don't really have that option right now, I've got maybe 2 days of pay left and we're halfway between two towns. We have to see this fight through.

I charge the men up on the left flank, bringing Kalarion behind the gobbo line, hoping I can get some quick kills in round 3. Luckily the snippers are busy dropping pot-shots on the retarded caravan guards and the donkeys, so my men are safe from being pincushioned (for now). Kalarion beheads a skirmisher:


Unfortunately round 4 opens with Whiteshark getting absolutely flayed by a snipper who switched to his knife:


Followed by FOUR (4!) misses in a row. Luckily Whiteshark manages to smash his pick through the hand of the skirmisher:


And OnTilt manages to break free of his net. He walks up to the skirmisher (I just wanted him in range next round to avenge Whiteshark, who I was sure was a dead man walking) and causes him to rout!

: For ANSELM! <roar>
Skirmisher: OOOOooooooooh-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

The round ends with more misses, but thankfully the snippers are still firing at the USELESS RETARDED FUCKWIT CARAVAN GUARDS that have been sitting on their asses by the donkeys. Another one dies. Good riddance.

The next round opens on an unmitigated disaster:


The snipper next to Kalarion lands two Punctures (note the to-hit chance and the snipper's rolls), followed by the snipper next to Whiteshark BEHEADING him.

: WHITESHARK! NOOOOOO!
: is not speaking, because he has no fucking HEAD.

The round closes with another slate of misses from our boys, including Kalarion (who is now in serious danger of being killed). Luckily another Caravan Guard gets murdered. I jump for joy.

Round 6 opens with some good news, Oystersauce shanks the ambusher that beheaded Whiteshark and Boontaker lands an absolutely clutch killing strike on the snipper that was about to murder Kalarion:

: SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT nigguhs! Deez MY peepo! Yall think I don't know how to handle yo' bitch asses?!
: <incoherent screaming>


The remaining snippers run, and we finish the fight:


Note the two injuries on Kalarion. Loot was nothing to write home about and definitely not worth the loss of Whiteshark Gerey gets a new sword out of it.

: nnnngh... Get up boys, we've still got a ways to go. Move it!
: Mit sturm und drang will I avenge our brother!
: ...sperm is wrong? Gerey, sometimes...
: Nevermind sir. Du willst sehen.

The caravan moves on. We get an event that allows us the opportunity to fight some merc guards for a big payout from a captured nobleman:


Kalarion might be greedy but he doesn't (think he) has a death-wish. We tell the nobleman he's fucked and continue along the route.

Then, within sight of our destination:


Nachzehrers are this game's equivalent of ghouls. They're the second weakest enemies in the game... at first. But they can eat corpses for a full HP restoration, and a growth in size, strength and HP. They can do this twice. At max size they can devour bros, effectively pulling the bro out of the fight unless the eater gets killed. 9 nachzehrers against my party is pretty dicey. With Kalarion so badly injured I'm getting ready to just roll up this LP.

Fight start:


: Hold steady! Let them come to us men. Try to step on each corpse as you kill them. You don't want a bunch of super-Nachs to deal with, believe me.

The lads set up a spearwall. It's effective so far, repelling the first wave of attacks, wounding the Nachs without killing them. Kalarion steps forward and one-shots a Nach with a Thrust. Good! Which leaves a corpse that a Nach eats in round 3:


Bad!

In round 3 the nachs finally manage to gum up the wall and pile in. Gerey casually steps from behind the spear line and swipes a Nach for massive damage:


But Kalarion is feeling his wounds and whiffs hard. Luckily the Nach morale is abysmal next round. Unluckily another Nach manages to feed.

Round 5 opens with a nach routing and spitting itself on OnTilt's brand new gobbo spear, causing another round of morale failures, thank God. Boontaker finally lands a hit, followed by Gerey disemboweling one of the mega-nachs with two slashes!

: STURM UND DRANG!

With that, the last of the ghouls routs and we're out safe. We finish the fight and stumble into Eichholz with the caravan:


We lose a bit of our payout due to one of the donkeys dying on the road. Stingy faggots. Note the town gaining the Well Supplied condition. This is one of the advantages of caravan escort missions. Well Supplied does exactly that. The town will have more items, a wider variety, and they'll be cheaper. On the other hand they won't pay as much for our junk, so we'll be holding onto our loot until we can find a better spot to drop it.

We quickly check the men available for hire. Not much of use to us, but there is a poacher. Maybe a future @Hauberk? For now, we take the sole contract on offer, a 1-star cemetery clearing. This could result in a variety of fights. Only one way to find out which...

I wait a couple days to give Kalarion's Split Hand time to recover (the massive melee skill penalty is not to be borne), then head into the cemetery:


More Nachs, but this time only 6 (basically even match) and Kalarion isn't crippled. It's a breeze, no one takes significant injury. We head back to town for our money, buy some supplies and some quality wood for trading, and then head to check the hires again:


Not bad! A Wildman and two Poachers. Poachers can be decent starter archers, and Wildmen have good melee stats. I'm looking for Hauberk so I pick the cheaper Poacher. On the one hand, it doesn't have good archer stats. On the other hand, it has really good melee stats, so:


@maidenhaver: "a bro with net and mace. If you find a barber, make him fat and stupid-looking."

Giant gives +10% damage, one of the top melee traits in the game. Precise gives +5 melee skill, also one of the top traits. Very good combo.

: you can't shoot for shit, get out.
: I don't need to shoot when I can catch you in a net and whack your face with a mallet.
: Hmmmm. Good point. You're hired! But you'll have to start with a sword for now.

Time to head to Rothstadt:


We discover a brigand camp on the way, but it has 4-6 Brigand Raiders and I'm not willing to fight those yet.

We stroll into Rothstadt, a bustling city:


Oooh! A temple (healing wounds), Ambushed Trade Routes and Rebuilding Effort! Rebuilding Effort gives a special price increase to quality lumber in addition to the price bump from amushed routes. Let's see what we can get for our wood:


NICE!

We sell our junk for a nice penny, then check in on the town's hires. I don't notice anything special but there is a cripple...

@Acrux: "a beggar or have a lame leg or something like that."


Well... um...
: ...old man, can you do anything?
: Ever heard of the Silmarillion?
: you're hired!

We also pick up a Daytaler (day laborer, a spic basically). And hot damn, look at that!


It's Whiteshark's little brother, Whiteshark Junior! (Whiteshark's dad was not very imaginative). Look at those defense stars! Also 100 base fatigue as a daytaler is outstanding. Sold!

: Do I know you...?
: No. But you will.

We take on an exploration contract, and that's where this post will end.

I have another 2 hours or so of playtime footage, I'll get the rest uploaded tomorrow.

Until then!

[WhiteShark]

That Time I Was Decapitated in My First Fight against a Goblin after Quitting My Job as a Miner to Work as a Mercenary but Reincarnated as a Spic and Was Hired by the Same Captain Again

[Irenaeus]

Damn, now this is good content! Thanks and congratulations on the work, @Kalarion You tell a very good story, and the gameplay explanations were particularly useful since I'd never played this (but now I want to).
And also congrats to @Boontaker for keeping the Turtles alive, first by headhunting his way with the thieves in the first fight then by saving Kalarion in a pivotal moment!
Can't wait for my cowardly (but a bro) javeliner to join on the action.

[Nemesis]

An excellent start.

[Oyster Sauce]

Thanks for buying me a straw hat before a weapon

[Hauberk]

What a start for a first-time LPer! Inspiring stuff, really. I almost thought we were doomed there for a bit.

[asf]

wheres my ax wielding barbarian

[Acrux]

Lamecrux should speak only in quotations of Tolkien characters who have lost a limb!

"A king is he that can hold his own or else his title is vain."

"The misty morning crawleth grey from dusk to the reluctant day."

"We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!"

"This I will have as weregild for my father’s death, and my brother’s. Was it not I that dealt the Enemy his death-blow?"

"Because it’s my birthday, and I wants it."

"'Neath other skies, in lands more awful and unknown, I wandered long, methought, alone to the deep shadow where the dead dwell; but ever a voice that I knew well, like bells, like viols, like harps, like birds, like music moving without words, called me, called me through the night, enchanted drew me back to light!"

“I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.”

“It is useless to meet revenge with revenge: it will heal nothing.”

“I feel that as long as the Shire lies behind, safe and comfortable, I shall find wander more bearable.”

“Do not be too sad, Sam. You cannot always be torn in two.”

"It will hold you. But it is more treacherous than you are. It may twist your words. Beware!"

“Give with a free hand, but give only your own.”

“A man who flies from his fear may find he has only taken a shortcut to meet it.”

“False hopes are more dangerous than fears.”

“So most men teach, and few men learn. Let the unseen days be. Today is more than enough.”

"You swore a promise by what you call the Precious. Remember that! It will hold you to it; but it will seek a way to twist it to your own undoing. Already you are being twisted. You revealed yourself to me just now, foolishly. Give it back to Sméagol you said. Do not say that again! Do not let that thought grow in you! You will never get it back. But the desire of it may betray you to a bitter end. You will never get it back. In the last need, Sméagol, I should put on the Precious; and the Precious mastered you long ago. If I, wearing it, were to command you, you would obey, even if it were to leap from a precipice or to cast yourself into the fire. And such would be my command. So have a care, Sméagol!'"

[OnTilt]

10/10 content. I have to get this game now.

[gerey]

He is perfect.

I apologize to the Führer for using his likeness to make a joke.

[Kalarion]

BEGINNINGS, Cont.

Mood:


So, we've taken an exploration mission. It's exactly what it says. You're tasked with finding an overworld location and then reporting to the authorities for your pay. Explorations are also mixed bags. Sometimes you get an easy one that you find immediately after getting to the right area. Sometimes, you take one on and spend more time and money finding the damn thing than you end up getting paid in the last place. And then sometimes, you get this:


Hmmmmm. Interesting. We could certainly use the gold, and even the city reputation hit might be ok (reputation naturally fades towards neutral over time, from both directions). We'll keep this in mind.

We head out to the indicated area, and Kalarion notices it's nestled in some high mountains:


Mountains in this game greatly increase your overworld sight radius as well.

: Time for some hiking boys!
: B-but sir, we thought we were going to be raping and pillaging...
: CLIMB THE FUCKING MOUNTAIN!

Our efforts pay off, as we immediately locate the required site (it's the banner with five ravens on it NE of us)! We quickly head back to town.

Upon our return we're greeted by the note passer:


: yeah, yeah, your honored ancestors, blah blah spare us ruffian, we...

Note-passer: we'll double your pay.

: a man should have respect for the dead! Glad to be of service SAAR!

Note the option to triple-cross. Unfortunately the reputation hit from that would have been so massive that we might have had manhunters put on our tail. And the company is in no condition to fight a manhunter party... yet.

As it is, the reputation from a simple double-cross is enough to land us in Unfriendly territory, driving prices up sharply in town (although we can still take contracts and make use of services as usual):


Ouch. That's going to take a bit to recover. No time like the present to start! We check out the other available contract:


We put the contract on hold. I have a bad feeling about this one, and I turn out to be right. The contract is for clearing out the camp we already discovered on our way to Rothstadt, the one that has 4-6 Brigand Raiders. With a little more spit and polish our company will be able to handle them no problem, but for now there's a good chance they'd crush us. We'll pass.

: Pack up boys, time to find someplace more friendly!
: <groan>

We head to Dornen, just south of Rothstadt. I have high hopes for this town, it's got a Beekeeper (cheaper mead), a vineyard (cheaper wine), and a Dye Maker's Tent (sells dye, one of the highest-value trade goods available. It's also a small village, meaning prices don't get inflated all to shit. If we can get these and a couple other villages with decent trade goods to Allied reputation, we can start making mint.

:
: <slowly draws his sword, a snarl forming on his face>
: ...<turns to face Gerey square>
: <drops the sword back in its sheathe> Mein eyes are upon du, mein HERREN.
: ...heron? What? Is that some term of respect for excellent swordsmanship or something?
: <embarassed groan>

On the road to Dornen:


: Looks like meat's Thug's back on the menu boys! Form ranks!
: mmmmm... food.
: they'll probably have some vittles on them, yes.
: FOOD.
: I could be jousting. Right now. Some pretty lady might be seeing me and I could be getting in her dress. But noo-oooo...

It's an 8v5, our advantage. Absolute slaughter, nothing worth posting. The only notable occurrence was picking up this bad boy from the loot:


That's a Goedendag there at the bottom. It's basically a two-handed, high damage polearm meant for melee use (most polearms require a hex of space and receive to-hit penalties when a target is next to the bro). They can also be used to bash someone over the head for a 1-round stun. They're excellent starter weapons. Not to mention the gold, the extra armor, and the food!

: ...berries? BERRIES?! I don't think you understand who you're dealing with here, sir. I'm getting hungry. You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry.
: shut up and pig out on the beets and grubs, faggot. Now get in line, we've got more marching to do!

two hours later...

: MAIDENHAVER!
: <sulking up> yes, sir?
: congratulations, you get the goedendag. I expect big things out of you with this. And go pick up the Blotched Gambeson we just got, I want you to be able to take some hits while you're smashing faces.
: <face breaking out in a big grin> Yes, SIR!

We do a little more armor shuffling. The company is starting to shape up.

Maidenhaver, Whiteshark and Acrux have also earned their spurs right to be labelled by their expected position in battle after having survived their first bloodshed:



In addtion, Oystersauce goes through a reshuffling of roles (I forgot that Maidenhaver wanted to be a macebro earlier):


: Alright men, let's move out. Whiteshark!
: si, senor?
: <muttering> that's right, you're a spic. There's no way you're any relation...
: senor?
: Nothing, get back in line. Vamos!

Dornen at last!


...shit. Hopefully the contract will allow us to clear the ambushed trade route condition.


OK, this is promising.


Damn, that's a long way out. The camp turns out to have "Many" (6-8) Thugs. In this case, it's 8.

Mood:




: Alright boys, just like we drilled. They'll be confident in their numbers. Let them charge, then we crush them.
: GrrrrrrRAAAAAAAH!


: Maidenhaver! MAIDENHAVER!! Anselm damn your eyes! Change of plans boys, follow me!


The fight starts off decently well, with Boontaker pulling off yet another headshot on the Thug in front of Kalarion. I finally remembered why he seems to pull them out all the time. Gamblers come with an innate bonus chance to head shot, and so do most polearms. Combined together he has something close to double the normal head shot chance (and I think it will go slightly higher once he has an actual polearm, like the company standard).

There's a little jockeying for position and some minor hits scored, but nothing to write home about for most of round 2. Kalarion casually one-shots one of the Thugs and strolls into his old spot, causing a mass morale drop for the enemies.


Maidenhaver once again opens round 3 with a charge full-bore to the southern flank, intending to set himself up for the upcoming rounds. For his trouble he gets a flail right into his chest, virtually destroying the shiny new armor he just got (it wasn't yet fully repaired). Finally, Acrux closes out the round with a killshot on the northernmost thug, whilst Gerey, not to be outdone, kills another Thug to close out the destruction of the enemy formation's center. Things are looking good at the end of round 3!

But the enemy hasn't yet had its final say:


Maidenhaver gets smashed again by the flail Thug. This time it's too much, he goes down!

: Maidenhaver! Damn you, I just gave you that Goedendag! RARGH!

Kalarion Splits (a 2-tile attack that goes straight in any direction), killing 2 Thugs!

The next round looks to be an easy mop-up, with everyone moving to mob the few remaining Thugs. Suddenly...


: OnTilt! NOOOOOO!

Kalarion immediately repays the foolish Thug's parting shots with a massive Swing, dealing 100 total damage. It's another one-shot. That cinches it, and the bandits finally give up the ghost.


What should have been an easy payday took a grim turn. RIP to OnTilt. Thankfully Maidenhaver survived. He'll have a permanent affliction, missing nose. Its penalty (-10% max fatigue) is annoying but not unplayable. He'll never smell delicious home cooking again Bros killed in a fight have a chance to survive a fatal hit, dependent on max HP and some traits or camp retinue. If they survived the blow, the message log will read, "...has struck down X", rather than "...has killed X." (you can see it in the screenshot for Maidenhaver being knocked out).

: Farewell, OnTilt. You didn't get your chance to be Anselm, but I like to think you're with him now. Maybe we'll meet again in other fields
<record scratch and voiceover>: we will.
: What?? What the fuck was that?!
: <looking at each other uncertainly> ...what was what?
: None of you heard that?!
: Heard what?
: Never mind. Grab the loot, dig OnTilt's plot, and let's move out.
: Thur, I could yuthe a ban-aid for by nothe.
: <snarling> on second thought you can dig OnTilt's grave yourself! And maybe that fucking hole in your face will remind you not to go haring off on your own again!
: <looking with longing at Maidenhaver's disgusting mug> Mein herr! Mein herr! Bitte chop mein nose mit dein sword, ja?!
: ...
: <grumbling> fine, nevermind. Ich mochte Maiden's face...
: what the fuck is wrong with you people

We head back to Dornen for our pay and the hope of starting a burgeoning merchant career.


Great. That didn't cure the ambushed routes condition. No buying for us, at least not for now. We're also out of tools, but they're ungodly expensive right now so we can't even buy them either. We get rid of some of our useless junk and walk out of the market disgusted. Kalarion decides to check out the available hires. There are a couple caravan guards, but I judge them too expensive for us right now. We end up picking up a farmer, hoping for some decent stats.


: ...shit. What a waste. I'm never talking to you again. Be ready to move.

In the meantime, I finally remember that my name is Kalarion, not Rabe. We head to Dornwacht, just SE of Dornen. There's a contract on offer but it's locked for us (either because of low Renown or because it's a noble contract, which we haven't yet unlocked).

We do however find a cheap Bowyer up for hire. Hauberk?!


Meh. Well, at least he has over 50 starting ranged skill. 70 ranged skill can do a decent job with a crossbow. And the stars in HP and initiative mean we don't have to put too much focus on beefing them up. Maybe we'll get lucky with ranged rolls. Bowyers also have a chance to get an unique event that gifts a really good bow, which anyone can use. So they're always worth keeping around (at least until they try to make the bow).

If we find someone better I can just merk this Hauberk and bring out 2.0.

: Name and occupation?
: Hauberk. I'm an archer!
: ... yeah we'll see about that. We're marching to Aalbek, be ready in an hour.


Aalbek is a coastal village, meaning it sells nets (very very useful bag item), fish (decent, cheap food source), and this particular village has an Amber Collector. Amber is one of the lower quality trade goods, but it's a nice bonus since we'd need to make regular use of Aalbek anyways. Nets are good enough that we're going to want to buy them repeatedly and stock up.

There's one contract in Aalbek, to escort a caravan to El-Hadet, one of the southern city-states. We'll need to go back that way anyways immediately after we finish our business here, and the route will take us by some other villages I'd like to look into for my merchant routes. So I take it. I also buy some nets and a new weapon, the warfork:


Warforks can be used to create Spearwalls over two tiles. Very nice. After some hesitation I decide to buy the two ambers on offer at a slightly increased price (standard price 260, I bought them for 265 each). Ideally I'd buy them when they're below standard price. I'm banking on being able to turn a meagre profit on them when we get to El-Hadet. I also give the nets to the two bros who still have no shield to go with their one-handed weapons: Gerey and Whiteshark (I had a brainfart and forgot that Maidenhaver requested nets).

: Whiteshark! Gerey! Come over here!
: si!
: jawohl!
: take these nets. Throw them as soon as you see a chance to screw with a hard-hitting target. Don't worry if you hit or not, just get them in the general direction and the net will take care of the rest.

In the absence of another, more powerful, two-handed weapon, Adler gets the warfork for now.

We don't talk to Adler though.

Along the road:


: Bo ight! Bo ight!
: Ay carumba!
: alright, knock it off! We've got a caravan to guard if you dipshits haven't forgotten.

We pass back through Dornwacht. Still nothing worthwhile. Dornen got rid of ambushed trade routes but I'm strapped for cash, so the dyes will have to wait. We pass uneventfully through Sonstedt. Several roaming bands of Desert Nomads show up on the horizon, but for whatever reason they don't seem interested in a fight.

We finish the final leg of our caravan.


Aaaaand...


This is one of those occasions we didn't give Well Supplied from a caravan contract. That means selling prices will be depressed. Oh well. We also get a notification that we have a free slot in our retinue, but we don't have even close to the money to be thinking of that right now.

Mood:




Rebuilding Effort and Indebted Revolt are very good for business, weapons can top 20% of price. Too bad we have no quality lumber or expensive weapons to sell. We check the market and buy some much-needed tools. Then it's on to the contracts. The one-star is a simple bandit clearing expedition. I take it.

: Alright boys! Time to see what it's like in the desert when you don't have a caravan's supplies! Let's move out!

When suddenly:


I almost forgot that deserts drastically increase supply consumption.

: SUH! EMUH-INCY!
: This had better be good.
: -oh FOOD.
: EMERGENCY! Everyone, back to the city!

We refill on supplies, and then head out to the camp, a day's march or so SE of the city.



This is our introduction to Nomads. They're similar to Thugs and Raiders in terms of equipment quality, but their stats focus more on melee defense, their armor is a little lighter, and their weaponry focuses on debuffing and causing copious bleeding. Cutthroats are the weakest Nomad enemy, we should be ok. Mood:


Fight setup:


These guys are fairly non-threatening. Nothing of note happens during the fight. Loot is also unremarkable. We do get a decent light helmet, so that's something. Southern contract conversations (negotiations and payouts) are always amusing:


We check the market one last time, then start heading back to Sonstedt. Along the road we run across a wandering Nomad group. We slaughter them in unremarkable fashion, loot their paltry goods and move on.

Sonstedt has a contract for a package delivery to a place called Reinbruch. I have a hard time finding it, finally locating it in the faaaaaaaaaar NE of the map. No thanks, we refuse the contract and move on to Sonnfels, just NW of Sonstedt.


Ambushed trade routes and a drought. Everything skyrockets. Time to move on. Luckily the contract is a caravan... to Sonstedt

: Deal!

Easiest 140 crowns of our lives. We buy some medical supplies and then head back to Dornen.

Along the way:


Notably, this group has a couple Outlaws, the Nomad equivalent to Raiders.


Note the superior-looking equipment on the guys up top.

Hauberk gets his first chance to shine here, shooting an outlaw with a huge scimitar that's charged our position. He hits but doesn't do much damage (no surprise, low-quality bows are pretty useless). Later in the round, as the Nomads continue charging hell-for-leather, Maidenhaver walks up to a Cutthroat and casually stabs him in the forehead with his bigass poker:


Kalarion finishes the job. Meanwhile, Gerey decides to try out the net that's been burning a hole in his pocket:


Nets immobilize combatants and give pretty serious penalties to melee and ranged skill and defense. Combatants can try to break free (chance dependent on melee skill), but it comes with a hefty fatigue cost. They're great when we use them. When enemies do it, it's cheating.

Nothing remarkable in round 2, most of the Cutthroats eat dirt and we slowly surround the Outlaws. The netted outlaw breaks free on his first try!

: What the fuck did I buy those for anyways?! I blame you Gerey!
: Jawohl mein herr!

Kalarion gets so pissed he finishes the round with a beheading of one of the last Cutthroats.

One of the Outlaws has a whip, and uses the whip's unique Disarm skill successfully on Maidenhaver:


: <clutching his hand> OW!
: Don't just stand there looking at your hand like you want to jack off with it! Pick up your Goedendag!
: Oh! Right.

Hauberk steps off his mound and fires an arrow directly through the chest of the top Outlaw (the one wielding the giant scimitar). Kalarion gets revenge on the whip-master, causing him to go from steady to fleeing in one hit.

The rest of the fight is pretty easy, although the Outlaw with the lumberjack's axe does get a couple Round Swings off that nearly kills Whiteshark.

The loot is fantastic, including several good helmets, a scimitar and the Saif (the giant scimitar). We'll save that for later. Hauberk and Adler receive their christenings:



New helms get passed around and we get back on the road.

: Back to Dornen men! Ahhhh, it feels good to get out of that stinking southern heat!

At this point, I feel confident enough in our tool supply stock to begin doing something that will become routine. Namely, fully repairing all weapons we pick up prior to selling them.


The gist is, tools are highly efficient price enhancements for weapons because weapons have such low durability compared to armor. A single tool stack (200g) can easily add several hundred crowns worth of value to a bunch of weapons.


Meanwhile, back in Dornen:


Finally, a chance to get some dyes! We pick both up, as well as some tools to deal with the rest of our repairs.

The contract is a caravan escort to Riedland, a large town just north of Salzfels, which suits us perfectly since that's the direction we were headed anyways. We take it. On the way through Rothstadt we sell off the ring that's been sitting in the inventory for ages, making about 300 crowns. Not bad. We also pay to treat Gerey and Whiteshark's wounds (this will help us obtain one of our retinue options as well) at the Temple:


The Sisters of Anselm's Mercy are um... quite inviting:


: W-wie geht es ihnen, liebling madchens!
: <goes scarlet>

We arrive in Riedland, pick up our pay and give it Well Supplied. We also finally fulfil our first ambition!


We head back into the city and pick up a contract to hunt thieves. We find them fairly fast, in the swamps N of town. This group includes a couple Raiders, upgraded versions of the standard Brigand Thug.


We setup on the hill behind us and wait patiently for the Raiders to make their move. Maidenhaver's discipline is admirable.

The first 3 rounds are just jockeying for position. Maidenhaver lands a hit on an approaching Raider. Finally, Kalarion decides the time is right and charges the center of the Raider line:


In round 4, Hauberk scores a headshot on one of the Raiders, then kills on the followup:



: 360!
: Zoomers...

The rest of the round passes uneventfully. Kalarion closes it out with a smash on one of the Thugs.

The next round, Boontaker gets a little... eager:


And is immediately punished by the top Raider walking up to slam his flail in Boontaker's chest. His fingers get smashed to a pulp. An attempt to Repel the Raider fails miserably. Kalarion desperately beheads another Thug, trying to make it to Boontaker's aid. Unfortunately he's blocked by the flail Thug:


: Dammit! FODDER! GET OVER THERE!

The Fodder does not speak. But he does get on the hill and headshot the raider with his Warfork.

: ...damn. Well done Fodder!

With that, the last resistance folds. The final Thug is dispatched, and we check through the loot:


Javelins! Flails! Good armor and a sweet helmet (110 durability)! Eureka!

We loot everything and head back to town. Everyone gets some upgrades. Our company is finally starting to shape up:


(If you're wondering about those arrows, yes... we've been fighting the entire time at level 1 except Kalarion. I wanted to let you guys dictate your levelups).

We head back to Riedland and get paid, then pick up some tools and leave the other contracts hanging. Boontaker gets his hand treated by the Sisters in town.


: Ladies, there's plenty for everyone

Back to Salzfels!

: Ahhhh... back to where it all started. I'm looking forward to seeing the old town.


...Oof. Time to clean up the town's messes. First, the one-star, a simple cleaning. The camp contains a mix of Thugs and Raiders.



Note the Pike and Giant Mallet. Me want! We once again let the bandits come to us. Incredibly, the lone Thug that charged forward first withstands 1...


2...


3...!


Assaults! It takes Fodder stepping up to finally break the Thug with a headshot:


: Maybe I need to rethink my stance on this guy... NAH!

Whiteshark considers a charge to finish the Thug off, but finally decides on the smart move of getting in range for a net cast against the Pikeman:


The next round does not start well. The Mallet Raider charges, causing minor morale failure. Then the Thug near Whiteshark moves in and shanks him with a Puncture:


: Hnng! Ay carumba!

Thankfully, Gerey is nearby, walks up and beheads the Thug in retribution:


: STURM... UND... DRANG!
: My thanks, brother. I will repay you as I am able.
: Was macht?! Where is your Espaniol, Whiteshark?!
: I dunno people kept saying spic so... but Anselm demands honesty in all things, and this charade must end. Come, we have a fight to win!
: Jawohl! Wir sind die kriegsmachers! Let them tremble!

Not to be outdone, Boontaker lands yet ANOTHER headshot, crushed hand be damned!


Then Fodder and Acrux team up to absolutely demolish the Mallet Raider:


This company is really starting to come together!

: I told you we were gonna shine sir!
: That was quite the shot. Now shut up and finish the fight!
: Yes sir!

Kalarion crushes another Thug, then steps boldly into range of the Pikeman. Amazingly, the Pikeman spends all his AP trying to break the net (and failing)!

The next round starts off worrylingly, with the pitchfork-wielding Thug smashing poor Whiteshark's chest in:


Everyone rallies. Maidenhaver runs into position to attack next round, carefully keeping out of range of the Pike. Oystersauce climbs up with the pitchfork Thug and starts poking at his cohort:


: Nigguh who da FUK you think you messin' wit?! I will...
<stab>
shank...
<stab>
yo...
<stab stab stab stabstabSTAB>
ass UP lil' faggot!

Thug: hnnnnng... uh... hkkk...
: das RITE!
: Giving him a spear was probably a mistake...

Kalarion closes our turn out with a Split that rips the ear off of the Pikeman. The Pikeman haphazardly pokes at Gerey and whiffs. The spear war continues in the next round, with all our polearm bros whiffing, while the pitchfork Thug gets in a solid hit on Boontaker:


But Hauberk steps up big, loosing a Quick Shot that smashes through the pitchfork Thug's chest, finally ending his miserable excuse for a life:
: Fly true!

: One shot!

He then moves into position to rain fire on the other Raiders.

Gerey takes out a the last Thug, on higher ground no less! And for the finale, Kalarion beheads the Pikeman with... a Split! His longsword slices clean through the neck of the Piker. The kinetic transfer explodes the head away from the body!


We clean up the fight, and eagerly check the loot:


YES!!!! Pikes are excellent early- and mid-game weapons! I can't wait to give this to someone. Maybe Boontaker?

We return to Salzfels, getting paid and taking care of ambushed routes:


We take a breather outside town and get our next Ambition choice:


I immediately take the battle standard Ambition. We start heading to Riedland for treatment, and the battle standard Ambition is fulfilled!


Boontaker immediately gets the standard:


: NOW you get the battle standard. Baptize it in blood.
: <swelling with pride> Our enemies will tremble at our coming, sir! But... what's your company's name?
: I've been wracking my brain about this ever since we set out. I think I've got it. We are... the Brothers of the Turtle.
: ...Turtle? What's that? Why are we Turtles?
: It's a long story, you wouldn't understand.

Fodder gets the Pike in honor of his outstanding recent service. Whiteshark gets the warfork, in preparation for taking up his role in the shield line. Everyone goes through a round of body and head armor upgrades. We also sell out a lot of junk, coming up to about 1.4k crowns. We head back to Salzfels to take on the two-star contract, a tracking mission. We win the fight, but unfortunately I accidentally sold one of my dyes at a terrible price. I decided to reload, but it was an auto-save, which meant I had to redo the tracker contract fight.

The fight is against a group of Nachzehrers in the forest.


Concerningly, this group has a max-sized Nachzehrer:


The fight starts rather standard, with our line grinding against low-level nachs. Fodder repays our trust in him by clinching the first kill. Kalarion takes care of a second. Next round, more grinding. The mid-level Nach walks up on Maidenhaver:


Next round, the mid-level shreds Maidenhaver, opening up an abdominal wound. The max-level Nach is now getting into range. Maidenhaver gives as good as he gets, smashing his Goedendag into the Nach's shoulder. Hauberk pops a low-level Nach. Acrux finishes off the mid-level!
: TEARS UNNUMBERED SHALL THEY SHED!

Finally, Kalarion closes the round with a low-level beheading... and then walks up to the max-level Nach.

: Gerey, Whiteshark, all of you... come rip me out.


Gerey howls and immediately nets the Nach.
: HALT, kleine Jud- dreck!

Maidenhaver snarls and starts forward.
: STOP! You cannot pass!
: ...what?
: He's right. You can barely stand. We'll handle this.

Everyone begins stalking towards the Nach.


The Nach frantically struggles with the net and takes a swipe at Oystersauce, but it's too full from its recent mistake snack.

: Heeeeeere, nocky nocky nocky! I'ma poke yo' bitch ass more times than I would the sistuhs at the Temple if these muhfuggas would jez let me.

After a full round of getting poked by various polearms and spears, the Nach has had enough. It drops to fleeing. But there's nowhere to go. It's in the net and has no fatigue.

The men want their commander back.

: Tuuur-tle. Tuuur-TLE. TUUUUUUR-TLE! TURTLE!


The company returns to Salzfels for the payout. Kalarion is quiet. The men give him a rare moment of peace and contemplation. Finally:

: I've been a Hedge Knight for 20 years. I've fought in every corner of this world. Men, beasts, the supernatural, dark sorcerers... I've faced them all, and always alone. But no longer. I am your captain, and you are my men. We fight together, we die together. You're my brothers in battle. We are the TURTLES!

The men scream themselves hoarse. Something new has been born. Let the beasts of the dark, petty and malicious lords, the practictioners of the dark arts, tremble in fear. The Turtles come.

The End of - Beginnings - In Which the Brothers of the Turtle are Formed

HOUSECLEANING
Ok bros, we have some work to do.

First, level ups.
Oystersauce:


Maidenhaver:


Gerey:


Acrux:


Hauberk:


Boontaker:


Whiteshark: I've assigned your stats, it was basically straight melee skill and melee/ranged defense. I took Student and Pathfinder for your perks. This is what you look like now (look at those defense rolls!!):


Fodder: hahah just kidding, Fodder is here to get shit on, I'll take care of his stats.

Each of you choose your ups. You may have noticed throughout the playthrough that most of you have 2 or even 3 levels banked. I'll give you your upgrades one at a time for your choosing. It may take awhile, but that's fine with me, I'm in no hurry. If you would instead like me to sometimes take over your levelling in the interest of speed, please let me know what your priorities for stats are. You can also leave it up to me, in which case I will generally focus primarily on melee/ranged skill, then either melee/ranged defense for melee bros, or initiative for ranged bros, and finally HP/resolve when good rolls in primary stats aren't available.

If I take over stat rolls sometimes, I'll make sure to report them and show your new stats afterward.

You will all also need to pick your Perks. Bros get one Perk per level, with new tiers being opened as you level. I'll list the perks and their effects in my next post.

Once we've got our house in order I'll start the next session.

[Oyster Sauce]

No idea how this game works, but I choose +melee +ranged def +melee def

[Acrux]

This is so good!

I'll leave the upgrades up to your discretion, but if Acrux is a shieldbro, I think the ranged defense should be one of them since it's starred.

[Boontaker]

+Fatigue
+Resolve(!)
+Ranged Defense

Student for the first talent, unless you think Nine lives would be better to keep the Standard from falling from a lucky hit

[gerey]

Uh, hope I don't fuck it up.

Fatigue, resolve and melee dmg.

[OnTilt]

Damn, dead in episode 2 -- what a red shirt. And dying as we were winning the fight too, that's very my style.

If room opens up you should look for my brother OffTilt. I don't know where he's at or when you'll come across him, but he's a tanky son'va bitch.

[Hauberk]

Highly entertaining!


As the company Robin Hoode I'll take the following:

+ Ranged Attack

+ Hit Points

+ Fatigue

I'll try to keep my arrows away from our esteemed standard bearer's back, but I offer no guarantees...

Also, how does armor work in this game? Is it just a pool of extra HP or something more?

[maidenhaver]

Melee up, ranged defense, and melee defense.

[1998]

Fantastic work so far!

Can't wait for my bro to enter the battlefield

[maidenhaver]

I asked for a stupid-looking bro and my face gets smashed.

[WhiteShark]

Wow, you really nailed my personality: deciding to play a bit, realizing I only know three words of Spanish and can't fake an accent, and immediately giving up. Also, I wholeheartedly approve the Student perk, having looked it up on the wiki. I'm sure I would have chosen the same.