BG3 - I must rant
Posted: March 23rd, 2024, 17:57
I finally finished it last night, for the first time and probably for the last time, and I can't recall another game that pissed me off so much. I looked on Steam stats and fuck me, I almost have 500 hours clocked in it, I feel retarded for it, but I had to finish it because otherwise it would bother me
I bought it in EA coming off Divinity Original Sin 2, and very much star-struck with Larian. Back then, DDOS2 was actually an example of a stellar fucking game. But the mechanics wouldn't translate well into DnD, and when I loaded BG3 for the first time in EA I was like... dafaq... this is DDOS2 with a reskin... you can't be serious, right? Especially with the same retarded chain/unchain mechanic. I swear, whoever came up with it deserves the Retard of the Decade award. Anyway. I played through the EA Act 1 and then set it aside and forgot about it until the full release because I didn't want spoilers.
Release comes, and some issues got ironed out but others remain. 5e is a gay ruleset to begin with, but Larian absolutely ass-raped it, making some really weird choices. Like, why take out attunement but leave concentration in? Both are gay mechanics because retarded players can't do math and keep track of bonuses, also spellcasters are quadratic and it makes my bum sore, daddy WOTC nerf please. Fuck off, concentration and attunement. Anyway. Some spells get superbuffed, others get nerfed to hell, again with zero rhyme or reason. Fly got fucked in particular, god-fucking-damnit, I love flying, but Larian's tard-ass engine can't handle vertical movement so it's like Jump++ now. For one fucking minute. Yeah, I'll totally burn a level 3 spell slot for that. And speaking of! If your tard-ass engine can't handle vertical movement not just of characters, but also of the camera, then WHY THE FUCK do you build maps with multiple elevation levels that makes the camera spaz out?
And also! PATH IS INTERRUPTED! PATH IS INTERRUPTED! PATH IS INTERRUPTED! FUCK YOU, PATH IS INTERRUPTED! ALSO, ENJOY SHOOTING/SLASHING/BLASTING AN EMPTY SPACE RIGHT NEXT TO YOUR INTENDED TARGET BECAUSE YOU MOVED THE MOUSE THE WIDTH OF A MOSQUITO'S DICK AS YOU CLICKED TO CONFIRM THE ACTION, SO INSTEAD OF STAYING ON TARGET, THE GAME DECIDED THAT YOU WANTED TO TARGET EMPTY SPACE FOR NO REASON. FUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOUUUU.
You know why else I have 500 hours clocked? Because 2 of my runs got fucked when patches broke some mods and those in turns fucked my saves. IDK. Anyway.
Characters. Shadowheart is alright and is actually feminine despite Jennifer English being a dyke. I hope it physically hurt her to record voice lines that express affection towards potentially straight White male characters. Astarion is a flaming evil faggot. Funny because of how woke this shit is, and instead of writing a mary sue they wrote a straight-up "evil predatory faggot" stereotype. And the good ending for him is to CONVINCE HIM TO STOP BEING AN EVIL PREDATORY FAGGOT and start being a decent person. Just fucking LOL. Lae'zel is GRRRR STRONK WHAMEN except she isn't, her insecurities shine brighter than the fucking sun and it takes all of 10 seconds to see that the GRRR STRONK WHAMEN act is a cover for it. Together with Astarion, WTF? Are they secretly based? Gale is supposed to be a magical arrogant gigachad that fucked a goddess, instead he is written, and sounds like, a meek barely-out-of-the-closet fag who wishes he had the nuts to be a flaming fag. Seriously. I knew someone in real life who had exact same mannerisms, manner of speech and everything. Karlach, UUUUUUUGH, fuck everything about Karlach, the intentional uglifying with the scars, the "this is really a story about someone with a terminal disease" writing, the "I'm a person from modern regular world that got isekai'd to Faerun" manner of speech, and fuck Sam Beart in particular because she's a tranny. Wyll the Magic Negro was actually a lot cooler in the EA, and I guess WOTC tried to make him the main character, so he got changed into a mostly-blank-slate? Did people seriously think that he will be anyone's first choice for the main character as opposed to rolling your own? Fuck off. Also, White Wyll mod is awesome and I love that someone out there is malding because it exists. Daddy Fuckbear Halsin. Just why. Minthara. No clue because she's bugged, also she looks like a tranny after she got uglified post-EA. Minsc and Jaheira, they were actually DECENT even though they were johnny-come-latelies brought in specifically for memberberries. Minsc in particular was awesome. Why couldn't we have him in the beginning instead of the magic negro?
The world. If not for No Alphabets and Better Aesthetics, I would have probably never finished the game. Thank you Orinesque and SniperChris, I will forever sing your praises. I wish I had gone into my first playthrough with your mods installed, because they actually made it a bearable Forgotten Realms experience instead of "I'm watching a twitch stream of three women, two faggots, a nigger and a tranny play DnD as the MOST DIVERSE GROUP EVAH, roll for misgendereing!"
Finally, the people behind it. Swen and the whole of Larian apparently got cucked hard enough by Hasbro and WOTC that they don't want anything to do with DnD ever again. Probably for the better. If only you fucks spent more time improving your engine instead of doing more gay bear sex scenes. I usually am good at separating art from artists, but some of these fucks make it difficult. Now Jennifer English (Shart) and her lesbowife are trying to cancel the guy who voiced an NPC because he liked some tweets that real-life NPCs are currently programmed to hate. Also they just won't fuck off. No, I don't need to see another video of Devora Wilde pretending to be Lae'zel. It was funny the first 100 times, now it's just cringe.
Anyway it's over now and I can uninstall it and forget about it. God damn my obsessive personality.
I bought it in EA coming off Divinity Original Sin 2, and very much star-struck with Larian. Back then, DDOS2 was actually an example of a stellar fucking game. But the mechanics wouldn't translate well into DnD, and when I loaded BG3 for the first time in EA I was like... dafaq... this is DDOS2 with a reskin... you can't be serious, right? Especially with the same retarded chain/unchain mechanic. I swear, whoever came up with it deserves the Retard of the Decade award. Anyway. I played through the EA Act 1 and then set it aside and forgot about it until the full release because I didn't want spoilers.
Release comes, and some issues got ironed out but others remain. 5e is a gay ruleset to begin with, but Larian absolutely ass-raped it, making some really weird choices. Like, why take out attunement but leave concentration in? Both are gay mechanics because retarded players can't do math and keep track of bonuses, also spellcasters are quadratic and it makes my bum sore, daddy WOTC nerf please. Fuck off, concentration and attunement. Anyway. Some spells get superbuffed, others get nerfed to hell, again with zero rhyme or reason. Fly got fucked in particular, god-fucking-damnit, I love flying, but Larian's tard-ass engine can't handle vertical movement so it's like Jump++ now. For one fucking minute. Yeah, I'll totally burn a level 3 spell slot for that. And speaking of! If your tard-ass engine can't handle vertical movement not just of characters, but also of the camera, then WHY THE FUCK do you build maps with multiple elevation levels that makes the camera spaz out?
And also! PATH IS INTERRUPTED! PATH IS INTERRUPTED! PATH IS INTERRUPTED! FUCK YOU, PATH IS INTERRUPTED! ALSO, ENJOY SHOOTING/SLASHING/BLASTING AN EMPTY SPACE RIGHT NEXT TO YOUR INTENDED TARGET BECAUSE YOU MOVED THE MOUSE THE WIDTH OF A MOSQUITO'S DICK AS YOU CLICKED TO CONFIRM THE ACTION, SO INSTEAD OF STAYING ON TARGET, THE GAME DECIDED THAT YOU WANTED TO TARGET EMPTY SPACE FOR NO REASON. FUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOUUUU.
You know why else I have 500 hours clocked? Because 2 of my runs got fucked when patches broke some mods and those in turns fucked my saves. IDK. Anyway.
Characters. Shadowheart is alright and is actually feminine despite Jennifer English being a dyke. I hope it physically hurt her to record voice lines that express affection towards potentially straight White male characters. Astarion is a flaming evil faggot. Funny because of how woke this shit is, and instead of writing a mary sue they wrote a straight-up "evil predatory faggot" stereotype. And the good ending for him is to CONVINCE HIM TO STOP BEING AN EVIL PREDATORY FAGGOT and start being a decent person. Just fucking LOL. Lae'zel is GRRRR STRONK WHAMEN except she isn't, her insecurities shine brighter than the fucking sun and it takes all of 10 seconds to see that the GRRR STRONK WHAMEN act is a cover for it. Together with Astarion, WTF? Are they secretly based? Gale is supposed to be a magical arrogant gigachad that fucked a goddess, instead he is written, and sounds like, a meek barely-out-of-the-closet fag who wishes he had the nuts to be a flaming fag. Seriously. I knew someone in real life who had exact same mannerisms, manner of speech and everything. Karlach, UUUUUUUGH, fuck everything about Karlach, the intentional uglifying with the scars, the "this is really a story about someone with a terminal disease" writing, the "I'm a person from modern regular world that got isekai'd to Faerun" manner of speech, and fuck Sam Beart in particular because she's a tranny. Wyll the Magic Negro was actually a lot cooler in the EA, and I guess WOTC tried to make him the main character, so he got changed into a mostly-blank-slate? Did people seriously think that he will be anyone's first choice for the main character as opposed to rolling your own? Fuck off. Also, White Wyll mod is awesome and I love that someone out there is malding because it exists. Daddy Fuckbear Halsin. Just why. Minthara. No clue because she's bugged, also she looks like a tranny after she got uglified post-EA. Minsc and Jaheira, they were actually DECENT even though they were johnny-come-latelies brought in specifically for memberberries. Minsc in particular was awesome. Why couldn't we have him in the beginning instead of the magic negro?
The world. If not for No Alphabets and Better Aesthetics, I would have probably never finished the game. Thank you Orinesque and SniperChris, I will forever sing your praises. I wish I had gone into my first playthrough with your mods installed, because they actually made it a bearable Forgotten Realms experience instead of "I'm watching a twitch stream of three women, two faggots, a nigger and a tranny play DnD as the MOST DIVERSE GROUP EVAH, roll for misgendereing!"
Finally, the people behind it. Swen and the whole of Larian apparently got cucked hard enough by Hasbro and WOTC that they don't want anything to do with DnD ever again. Probably for the better. If only you fucks spent more time improving your engine instead of doing more gay bear sex scenes. I usually am good at separating art from artists, but some of these fucks make it difficult. Now Jennifer English (Shart) and her lesbowife are trying to cancel the guy who voiced an NPC because he liked some tweets that real-life NPCs are currently programmed to hate. Also they just won't fuck off. No, I don't need to see another video of Devora Wilde pretending to be Lae'zel. It was funny the first 100 times, now it's just cringe.
Anyway it's over now and I can uninstall it and forget about it. God damn my obsessive personality.